brave heart ♥

AFA'11 DAY 2 pics

2011-11-14T20:32:00.002+08:00

I look half-dead and so tired though these were taken at the end of the day hahahaha my mini photoshoot ~ it was fun, though

...... I have seriously never seen so many cameras in my life =w= I felt like I was Disney Princess in Disneyland for a day, like all the little kids came running to me and even the old grannies were like YOU'RE SO PRETTY AND YOUR DRESS IS SO PRETTY ASLDJASDS CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU - i bet half of them didn't even know I was cosplaying kuro =w=

and then when I entered the convention hall, there was this really cute guy ;O; that looked - I SWEAR - LOOKED EXACTLY JUST LIKE KYOUYA OOTORI FROM OURAN!!!! He looked exactly like the actor in the ouran live action show, and he was wearing some sort of japanese school uni and he ran up to me (with his group of photographer friends behind him) and was like can i have a photo of you :3 AND HE WAS SO CUTE and then after taking a few shots of me, he ran in to stand beside me for his friends to take a pic of him with me (without asking, but hey, he's still hot so it's okay haha) and he gave me this shy apologetic smile and i melted ;O; KYOUYA. *o* then he ran away ;O; NUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu then i passed by him again after running (lol) around for awhile and he was taking photos of some other cosplayer haha he's so cute, omg, i'm in love ~

and then there was this other guy =w= so he asked to take a photo with me, and I went in closer to him (DUH) then he was like OH NO NO NO YOU'RE TOO CLOSE! YOU'RE IN MY PERSONAL SPACE, BITCH! and then he put a hand in between us to distance himself away. ... of course he didn't say that, but =w= he just said "oh, you're too close!" and then distanced himself. ;O; #HURT

AM I THAT REVOLTING =w= then again his girlfriend ( i presume ) was taking the picture of us so i understand hahaha

actually now that i think about it, i did nothing but act like a disney princess for people the whole day =w= that explains the little pictures...

This is me with Man <3 souji from persona 4 cosplay ~ I look too tired to care, tbh =w=

lol i think i must be half-sleeping here. the funny thing is, we were on a level that was currently holding a diabetes care exhibition thing ROFL it was amusing, with all the cosplayers mixing with all the... old people. OH and look at that man's face behind me WAI U STARING AT MY CAMERA

omg hot shit yeah. Man why you so hot

omg my mini alois and ciel cosplayers. THEY"RE SO CUTE. I WANT TO SQUEEZE THEM. i was just outside starbucks coffee (what the shit) when they ran out of the lift behind me and PASSED ME AND I WAS LIKE... WAIT... WAIT... ARE THOSE 2 CHIBIS WHO I THINK THEY ARE... NUUUUUUUU WAIT FOR ME then i practically ran after them lol they're so cute! ;O; LITTLE CIEL EVEN POSED FOR ME!!! Alois is just like " :DDDDDDDD " oh my god they're so cute

oh by the way it was at starbucks coffee that i realised I lost my choker =w= (that explains the running i did all day) and I DIDN'T FIND IT. GRR. but anyway. it isn't obvious coz no one realised i did trololol so i'm... not... gonna... care. >P

lol this is me like, half-dead and giving a patronising look lol after running around and finally collapsing somewhere on the floor in the middle of nowhere 8D

reason why i didn't camwhore the whole day? my hat was extreemeely heavy and kept dropping. i gave up at the end of the day, took it off (and all the bobby pins and shit), and just tied it onto my head. and IT STAYED. WHAT. >o also. it was like, hard to even move in that dress. and my arms had marks by the end of the day =w= my friends stared at them and said "that looks reaaallly wrong... like bondage marks" so yeah, i just went through bondage. i wish i had taken pictures of them...

this is me in my mio shirt. with my ciel wig w/o the extensions 8D so do i look lesbian enough now

yeah, pretty much concludes my pictures for the day.

.... a'right. goodbye. i am SO tired. lol. even though i slept early last night. ;o;

so... yeah. anyone wants to be my sebby =w=

pictures from today ; afa day 2

2011-11-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

Cheryl, me, Niko

Today my friends and I went all lolita at AFA. Aren't we so cute #shameless.

Shan & I :) She's Konata ~

SHAN'S EPIC FACE hehehe

Kimberly & I :)

Bad things happened today, I don't want to talk about it ~

Lalala~

SO. I'M GOING TO DRESS AS CIEL (BALLGOWN) TMR OMG! EXCITED ;)

MAGNET

2011-10-17T23:05:00.001+08:00

So today cheryl, niko & lulu came over to help with my magnet headphones ~

stuff we did ~

my fingers hurt... :( you won't believe how HARD the material is to cut, we almost gave up at first when we realised our pen knives weren't working -_- then me (the clever genius as i always had been) discovered a method to get it out. so there. 8) but that resulted in everyone giving up and tossing their wings to me LOL ;O; thank god cheryl was kind enough to get her part done ~ wow my fingers hurt so bad, it must have taken me 2 hours to get a wing done. lol.

niko did the styrofoam part for the headphones, lulu did the touching up ~

we're not done yet though, mostly coz we spent the earlier part of our day rocking out to gazette music in my room (I can't believe the amt of times we repeated VORTEX LOL BAM BAM BAM! ;)) and then drinking bubble tea, then ordering pizza, and gossiping in the living room. it was all kinds of a girls night out. lol. (or night in. whichever works.)

meanwhile, we're still trying to settle luka's dress ~ we really want it to be flowy like this

but we can't find it locally, coz most cosplayers go for the short dress luka type. D: And we can't get it tailor made / ordered online in fear of it not arriving on time! we need it by 11.11.2011 for AFA's event ~ so we're probably going to have to make it ourselves, but that's such a pain in the ass. I'm hoping I can find it somewhere available online that can ship fast! Any help would be really appreciated ~

I WANNA FALL IN LOVE??? :OO

2011-10-17T23:04:00.001+08:00

me and niko's convo....

niko says:

*haha

*aish

*sallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

*i wanna fall in love T-T

suicidecircus } says:

*WHAT

*LOL

niko says:

*what T_T

*why my life so boring..

suicidecircus } says:

*LOL

niko says:

*eating chocolate now

*...

suicidecircus } says:

*LOL

niko says:

*is this love

suicidecircus } says:

*LOL

niko says:

*lol

Make-up + Materials

2011-10-13T20:24:00.002+08:00

Will people get mad at me if I start posting regularly? D: (in this case, everyday) I mean I totally went by MONTHS w/o posting anything, followed by really random/irregular updates, and then now that exams are over, I have more time for posting >DDD

Last night was a happy day for me :D Late night sex video chats/silent wars with *COUGH* trannies *COUGHYOUKNOWWHOYOUARE*. I am awesome. But... I... am running a fever now. :@ THANK YOU LORD. FOR GIVING ME A FEVER NOW (not really.) It sucks D: So I've been lazing around in bed all day, and watching make up tutorials on youtube. I have no life. D: So Niko gave me this link to this video which I think is the best so far;

And, since I just recently got my DollyWink eyeshadow palette 01 which the woman is using, I thought it'd be a good idea to try it out ~ ... but as usual I never get things done. Well, first's first... Here's the CandyDoll pink gloss that I tried out! I didn't bother using concealer or anything before it. I got too lazy. I'm sick. EXCUSES.

ITS MAD BABY PINK. LOOOOVE. D: It makes my lips exceptionally large tho. IDK. I love the color tho. <33

MY END RESULT. It... looks nothing like the video result. AS ALWAYS. MY EYELINER ALWAYS DEFIES ME. :@ I hope you can see the make up clearly, I don't want to enlarge the picture too much. Lol. But it's a new look that I've learned, I guess. So... me being sick + bored paid off? D8

YAY! Here are some materials I got for my Magnet headphones yesterday:

EEEEEK. I'm excited! :) I'm beginning to think that I wasted more money on materials, rather than if I had just bought Magnet headphones that were readily made from the start. Lol. I'm trying to convince myself that this is going to be worth the time/fun :D

Japan Trip 2011

2011-10-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

Now that my final year exams are over, I guess I finally have time to blog about this xD (Not like anyone cares xD) Yes I will rub it in your face that I went to Japan in the first week of September for 5 dayssss. It was a shopping trip with my mum only, so... xD

I don't know what photo will draw you into this post. D: Ah... wait.. I know.. you sick perverts out there.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS XDDDDD ARE THEY SELLING FREE ANIME PANTIES ROFLASKLJDASHDJASKASDJN Okay... Let me remember what happened on the first day... xDDD (I have a lousy memory)

* all photos taken from my lousy iTouch so please excuse me xD (I brought a camera but I was too lazy to use it orz MORE TIME FOR SHOPPING)

Day 1: Tokyo Narita Airport, Shibuya 109

YEAH. THIS IS MY HOTEL VIEW OF SHIBUYA 109. WHOOOOOOOO. I stayed right at the heart of Shibuya. SUCKERS. :@@@ Sorry I'm acting a tad immature now xD Soooo anyway... I don't know what to say, this sucks. xD I'll just post pictures.

A MEAL IN SHIBUYA 109 COST ME AND MY MUM 70 BUCKS FOR 2. the ice cream was worth it though, so unlike the ice cream here in Singapore ;o; I think I must have eaten spaghetti in Japan everyday xD...

So anyway... I went to Shibuya 109, and my mum didn't want to buy anything coz she said it was only the "first day" and we would be seeing more of it. But I still went ahead and bought some Liz Lisa stuff anyway xD (HARD-CORE LIZ LISA FAN HERE. *waves*)

So this is my loot. I'm sad to say after this, I didn't buy anymore Liz Lisa stuff xD I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO MY MUM ABOUT WAITING :@@@ I go to Japan for an opportunity to get Liz Lisa and I get... 3?! XD *slaps self*

So... Shibuya 109 at night and the streets surrounding it:

Day 2: Shinjuku

The next day I went to Shinjuku. Oh my god, I should stop making a pathetic effort to try and talk, it's not working, I know xD I'LL JUST LET THE PICTURES DO THE TALKING.

This is how their trains look like, by the way:

I went to MaruiONE, it has like eight floors, or seven, I don't know, and all the lolita brands hibernate there xD No, really, I felt like I could of lived in there my whole life and I wouldn't even mind... *SOB*

This is La Parfait 8D

These are the lashes I bought all at a go... xDDD 2 of them are for my beloved Niko / fudgestorm ~

I think this is Metamorphosis... I'm not sure ~

THIS IS ANGELIC PRETTY *SOB* HELLO ANGELIC PRETTY, MY DREAM BRAND OF MY DREAM BRANDS. DDDDD8 I wanted to take a picture of me WITH it but the cute pink sales lolita-lady stopped me xD Oh well, I snuck pictures of it anw :3

Oh... my haul... xD

The flowery looking dress is from Baby, The Stars Shine Bright 8D ITS SOOO PRETTY OH MY GOD IT'S EVEN PRETTIER IN REAL LIFE. xD I HAD to take a front and back view of it. :3 The blouse and red dress is from Angelic Pretty :3 The shoes are... xD I don't know, some random expensive lolita shoes out there xD But they are so prettyyyyy. The red lacy bag and crown pouch is from Putumayo. The brown bag is from some random korean brand xD

Day 3: Harajuku: Takeshita-dori / Laforet / Omote-sando ~

(obligatory tourist photo of Harajuku streets)

OH MY GOD. I JUST REALISED THIS IS THE ONLY PHOTO I TOOK IN HARAJUKU ROFLLFLFALJDHASKDSSDASD NOOOOOOoooo I'm going to reuse my 2009 pictures to make up for this ROFL it's the same anyway /cheater

Anyway, I wore my BTSSB dress out that day, and tourists took pictures of me xD I loved how they spoke to me in very slow, choppy english as if I didn't understand them. yes, I like to pretend I am Japanese (for a day) rofl. Also, while waiting for my mum...... some hot guy in some visual kei dressing made some small talk w/ me xD I think it took him awhile to realise I didn't understand what the fuck he was saying xDDD He was rambling on and on and I was just nodding along w/ whatever he said xDDD it was embarrassing on my part, but amusing. After awhile he realised I wasn't getting it, so he was like " （　ﾟ Дﾟ）YOU - ENGLISH - OK?" and I was laughing by then so I said "NO. NOT OK." LOL where the hell was my mum then... Oh yeah she was busy shopping xD then that guy started speaking in really great English to me. It was really fluent... I'm shocked. xD

Soooo... my haul:

BODY LINE 8DDDD Another blouse and some country lolita looking skirt... xD

My sock haul! 8D The top lacy socks are from Shibuya 109 + Harajuku, the flower socks in red packaging are from Bodyline, the pink + black one is from Baby, The Stars Shine Bright and the last crown one is from Putumayo :3

I got too lazy to photograph any more stuff so I threw everything in together :P

Uh... The braided hairbands are from Harajuku, the red/black lacy bow is Liz Lisa / Shibuya 109, the pink/white + black/pink lacy necklace is from Lar Parfait / MaruiONE, the Hello Kitty iPhone casing is from.. HELLO KITTY LOL / Shinjuku, the antique necklaces and fake glasses are from Harajuku.

Day 4: Akihabara ~

My mum promised to get some Yu-Gi-Oh cards for my brothers and some VCDs, so off we went to Akihabara ~ it's Otaku heaven, to put it simply...

BUT FIRST. OBLIGATORY CAMWHORE SHOT OF SELF. *INSERT INSERT* DON'T COMPLAIN. I HAVEN'T INSERTED ANY SO FAR.

Yes I had to look the part xD

So we got off the Akihabara line and went into the first shop we saw and got the cards there. Then we just roamed around mindlessly 8D It was a Sunday, so the roads were closed from traffic. :3

Woah that was a shitload full of pics... xD I'm too lazy to explain, so just go imagine the descriptions yourself... xD BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY SERIOUSLY SELL ANIME PANTIES XDDDD

Vocaloid cosplay is sold really cheap there o.o if I'm not wrong, it's only 80 dollars. here in singapore it's over a hundred dollars DDD8

It was already late by then. We wanted to go to Shinjuku for more shopping *COUGH* LOLITA -- but no. It was like... 6. And stores closed at 9 (WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!) so we took the loooong train ride back to our place, and went to Shibuya 109 MEN'S instead.

Yeah... we only went for the girl shops. xD

Sooooo... my haul for that day.... xDDD

MORE LOLITA XDDD And a skankish looking short pink wig. 8D

Waterproof school bag xD And I got the typical japanese school bag 8D with a minnie mouse chain.

K-ON headphones from Akihabara 8DDD

A:KJDASDASJHDAASDASD GAZETTE GAZETTE GAZETTE

Day 5: Harajuku / Home

SO THIS WAS MY LAST DAY ;o; WENT BACK TO HARAJUKU, TRIED TO STALK OUT SOME MERCHANDISE.

.... Except they are all JPOP. DDDD8

OKAY. I MUST BEGIN MY STORY ABOUT HOW I GOT TROLLED BY A GACHAPON MACHINE. IT IS SO INFAMOUS. I must have told it a thousand times by now. xD

THIS..... THING... HERE.... *cringes:

TOOK MY FEELINGS, PLAYED WITH IT, CHEATED ON IT, THRASHED IT, THEN THREW IT AWAY. I was hoping that out of my 5 tries, I could get an AOI one. BUT OH NOOO I GET A REITA, RUKI AND URUHA ONE. I GOT SUCCESSFULLY TROLLED BY A GACHAPON MACHINE. SO THERE. I could have tried even more, but I was running out of time ^^" I had to take the airport bus back at 1:50, and I was still in Harajuku at 1:40 xDDDD AND I HAD TO TAKE A TRAIN BACK TO SHIBUYA FIRST, TOO. XDDDD <-- proves alot about my time management skills. Ohhhh the things we do for gazette.. xDDDD

ADLKSDJSHSJKDGADJGHASDGASSDHASDHASHJDAHSDHASADJSDHA so to make up for my severe loss I got an Aoi + gazette PREDGE poster. DD8

Oh wait... I just realised I DID take more pictures of Harajuku xD Here:

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: THEN I FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS RIDE BACK TO THE AIRPORT AND BACK TO MY LOWLY LOWLY HOME. I mainly watched Soul Surfer on the plane, and listened to a bunch of Glee music xD

That.... XDDD THIS POST WAS SO ... LONG... XDDDD

Okay... To end this post off nicely... xDD HERE IS A PHOTO OF ME IN HARAJUKU IN 2009 WHEN I STILL HAD SHORT HAIR 8D :

K THX BAI... oh my god, someone better read this. I didn't just blog for nothing XDDD

Fated - Ayumi Hamasaki

2011-04-10T15:50:00.001+08:00

Do you believe in fate --
A momentary encounter
That changes everything in your life
Before that?

We notice it the moment our eyes meet someone's
We come to feel it sure in contacting with him or her
But then once
We feel weak in the knees

* The wind strokes my cheeks and makes me feel real
Whispering softly that this is not an illusion at all

I've been thinking that I couldn't reach your voice
I've been thinking that this dream wouldn't come true
But the person before my eyes is
You see? No one else but you

Where does this road lead to
And how does it continue?
Even if I imagine them
It's of course that I have no clue

I feel the more I wish to be strong
The weaker my heart becomes in inverse proportion

I shouted your name in tears
I wished I wouldn't wake up, if it were a dream
Ah, the person before my eyes was
You see? No one else but you

* (repeat)

If only I had deserved your love
As many as the times you said you loved me
If only I had loved you
As many as the times I said I loved you

I gave up, thinking that I couldn't reach your voice
I gave up, thinking that this dream wouldn't come true
You see? Though the person before my eyes was
The real you

Ladyboys in Thailand

2011-04-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking

Why are there so many ladyboys in Thailand? It's even known for that. I mean, it can't just be because the country legalises it/doesn't discriminate upon it, right? Even so, the amount of such cases there is remarkable. Is it because they're so open about their sexuality? But that can't be... It's just, in other countries you don't see as many. Maybe because they're afraid? But stilllll, it's weird. Is it because Thailand is a body-image obsessed country? Where all the boys strive to be pretty? Or somehow, many boys there grew up in a girls environment, thus they somehow got influenced and want to start turning into girls themselves?

I don't know; it's just so weird. I mean, a standard society doesn't have that many. It's not that I have any thing against them; I admire them for being able to freely express themselves like that, but the fact that Thailand is famed for having ladyboys is just... strange. Did God somehow bestow all the wrong female souls into the wrong bodies in Thailand? Uhhhh

Okay. Just wondering... No offence meant or anything. ;~;

MILEY GOT A TWITTER!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-04T17:16:00.000+08:00

SOB CAN I CRY TEARS OF JOY NOW

I AM LEGIT HAPPY

I AM LEGIT CRYING/HAPPY/JUMPING/BLABLABLABLBLAANJLODSNASXLKVXXAXAKJSD

MILEY GOT A TWITTER

whatever i know no one on my friends page cares seeing this right now but

OH MY GOD MILEY GOT A TWITTER

SHE USED TO HAVE THE HIGHEST FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER AND THEN SHE SHUT IT DOWN but now she's BACK

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

For the past 10 minutes straight I've been retweeting her tweets, trying to coerce all my other friends into following her, retweeting other Miley fans tweets, trying to trend #RADIATELOVE, trying to reach her goal of 1 million followers <3

I LOVE HER SFM I CAN'T EVEN

:') *tears of joy* i think my twitter has been converted into a MILEYAPPRECIATION TWITTER *overnight* LOL

oh well oh my god

my day is MADE.

rachel berry forever an inspiration xx

2011-04-02T18:57:00.001+08:00

“My dreams are bigger than that. And they’re bigger than you.”

~ rachel berry

Sally doesn't wanna have kids

2011-04-02T13:31:00.001+08:00

This is the future me. LOL

2011-01-25T20:58:00.001+08:00

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.”

—	Veronica A. Shoffstall

Cut off

2011-01-24T23:46:00.002+08:00

There's something really wrong with me right now. I thought I had it cured, but it's coming back again. I have severe self esteem problems. I need to cut off from anything and everything else other than school and friends.

Today, I deleted my livejournal account. It's only temporary, but it's a good break. I declared myself on break once, but I couldn't stop writing. I guess I have to take extreme measures to declare a break :/

Blogging & my day

2011-01-24T16:47:00.005+08:00

I'm going to start blogging here more often and stop going back to my livejournal. I feel like I've been neglecting this blog too much, lol. I don't even write personal things in here anymore. So I should restart blogging again! I don't care about what others think of me anymore. :) (well, I still do, but not too much to this extent of not blogging here anymore) And blogger is still the easiest to manage, so....

First off, do you like the new layout?! :) It's so cool, right?! AHAHAHA Hannah says its cool so I'm inclined to believe so. My mum says my blog layout very professional looking!!! OK la its obviously very childish, but she means it as in "it looks like a professional designed it" awesome!!! ok la I very long never design already ok so you should applaud me for getting back into designing again!!! lol I wanted to make it princessey and pink (cause i'm just like that. oops) then I thought, why not use my own pictures? Then I came across my Alice set of pictures I took with Hannah and Janice, so I decided to use them!!! Janice is soooooo embarrassed by my pictures, AHAHA she didn't even want to talk to me today cause she said I just smeared her reputation. Then she started ignoring me and went to a corner with Grace (basically she went to sit on my seat -_-). Then I went up to her and said "Fine!!! GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND!!! I see how long you can ignore me!!!" then when I went back to my seat, I realised she had doodled on my foolscap lol. She was like "you will regret for doing this to me!!! guess who??" AHHAAHAH I LAUGHED LIKE SHIT MAN JANICE WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE!!! She's like another Christabel -_-"

OK so today we had English formal letter writing test. LOL It was okay... Genesa totally screwed her test up AHAHAH She put her date as "July" but then in her letter she said "We would like to go in May" AHAHAHAHA SHE TOTALLY FORGOT MAY WAS BEFORE JULY omg she's hilarious

Anyway English as the first two periods really kicked start off my day very well!!! I just love English and Ms. Gomes. She's the BEST teacher. Ever. :) Seriously. She lets us watch videos and she's so comical and funny, ahahha. I've been saying that since Secondary One and now I'll still say it. Aishie and me sit all the way at the front, while Christabel and Rachel sit behind me. Soooo... it's fun!!! I miss Rachel so damn much :( My best partner!!! And Christy's pureness and innocence. AHAHAHA They always threaten to use my name in their compositions/writings during English Class!!! I'm always being ganged up on by them -_- OK now I feel pathetic

Chinese was surprisingly not bad lol I think I'm settling down quite OK with the Normal Chinese curriculum. Higher Chinese was much harder - but still. I guess I'm still OK. It was abit uncomfortable at first to be doing Normal Chinese standard :/ I'm not boasting, I'm just pissed lol but I think Jiaeenn and I are quite resigned to fate. Even though we haven't gotten back our Higher Chinese qualification results yet, but we're prepared to just remain in Normal Chinese if we have to. If the Chinese HOD doesn't release the results to us by tomorrow, then we'll probably ask her and... yeah. We're really OK with anything now.

Today we had house practice in the morning. Omg I'm stuck with crazy people man. I was sitting with Jiaeenn, Adrienne and Kaiying and they were practically SCREAMING for the cheers LOL and then occasionally breaking out into songs. Goddamn my life is hard. loljk they're so amusing to be with. They're planning to sign up as cheerleaders, along with Genesa, so... ummm... IDK good for them AHAHAH SUITS THEM. Then we saw a video of Dodsworth cheering (two years ago) and Jiaeenn was like "OMG WAS THAT ME IN SEC 1" and she pointed to the screen and it was SOME CRAZY WOMAN DANCING AHAHAHHAHAHA IT LOOKED SO MUCH LIKE HER AND WE WERE ALL JUST STUPEFIED... BEFORE BREAKING OUT INTO LAUGHTER LIKE SHIT AHAHAHAHA it was super funny we couldn't contain ourselves. JIAEENN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS!!!!! AHAAHAHAH

Aiya today was boring. I hate Mondays! So depressing!!!!

-- update for life -- over

i'm finally 14

2010-12-22T23:04:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday to me. ♥

heading off to KL later in the afternoon~

uhh... yeah. for starters, it's 1am now and i just spent the first hour of my birthday painting my nails.

i'm osm. :)

Packing

2010-12-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

Here are some photos of my newly packed table! I converted it into a dressing table. Sorta. Without a big mirror, but oh well... It'll do.

My gyaru ~~normal clothes~~ closet lololol:

My lolita/subculture clothes:

... I know they aren't as neat as expected, but they're a hundred times better than before!

I got too lazy to pack my other closet... So I'm just going to leave it as it is now!

Bye x

Today

2010-12-12T04:17:00.000+08:00

I think I have monthly fashion posts or something lol (or I just shop alot)

This is me as of two hours ago. I think I'm still pretty much the same right now lol. Lately I've been putting on minimum make up. BB cream, eyeliner, blusher, lipbalm. That's all. Sad to say I don't even bother with curling my lashes...

Dress up for today. Went to have dinner at 313@Somerset and did shopping along Orchard. I swear, if I wasn't already living in Singapore, I would be really jealous of Singapore, hehe. Singapore really has the most amazing Christmas decorations and lights ever along Orchard. If there was snow, it would be perfect. Literally perfect. But screw the world Singapore isn't that lucky lol

It was really crowded cause everyone was doing Christmas shopping. And everyone was taking pictures with the decorations... And there were alot of tourists, too. It was just a bustling crowd. With beautiful christmas trees and lights everywhere and christmas caroling. It was nice cause you didn't feel so alone. You could really feel the christmas spirit then. I really liked it.

I got myself some few accessories.

The leopard printed thing is actually a foldable mirror. It stands. It's so cute, I couldn't resist it. The other long wallet was chosen to match my Barbie bag. I love heart prints. Below it is a furry purse lol. I've decided to stop carrying all my make up with me everywhere. So I'm going to start just bringing make up necessities and putting it in small purses. I bought the furry purse in black but I would have preferred it in white. Eitherway, I'm just addicted to all furry stuff, ahaha.

Went to Topshop.

I know I'm so greedy. Oh well. Their items could easily be incorporated into gyaru items though. I see these tights in various coordinates all the time in Ageha. Preferably for a more hostess look.

These heels are actually much taller than in the picture. Really, really tall. But I love them.

I realised that I didn't showcase what I bought in Thailand. So here they are. (Other than the dress that I was wearing today)

What can I say? I'm a Hello Kitty fanatic. Hn.

These bows were super cheap. About 3 bucks for one. Bought them from some market. Thought they were super worth it.

Legwarmers. They're all the rage in Japan nowadays. Even if I don't live in Japan. lol

Some Lolita stuff.

My parents got these for me awhile back ago:

In case you can't see what the necklace is about, the pendant is actually a hello kitty.

:)

SO MUCH HATE

2010-12-10T20:28:00.001+08:00

I'm not a supporter of Justin Bieber. But what did he do to deserve this? KILL YOUR MOTHER? NO? Then I hope you rot in hell. You're so heartless. I don't get the hate for him. Just imagine how you would feel if someone did this to you. Made shirts out of your name with deragatory names. SO MUCH HATE. I will never understand the minds of humans sometimes. Honestly.

If Justin Bieber is a bitch, I totally understand why he deserves to be one after receiving so much shit from haters. He's a human, and above that, he's talented and he's actually making use of his celebrity status to help make a difference in this world with charities etc and his music. He's caused a million of people to contribute to the more unfortunate in the world with his song "Pray". If you don't feel anything, I seriously judge your heart and soul. You may not appreciate his voice or talent but this does not give you a right to do such a thing to a person.

Give him a break. He's only so young. If you don't like him, just move on. Keep it to yourself. SMH at these people.

hairstyle change

2010-12-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

Since the year is coming to an end and the new year is quickly starting, I'm looking for a change. What better way than to kick start off with your physical appearance? So unlike the past three years where I've remained pretty sane and boring with my short hair, I've decided to start leaving it long. I haven't got a haircut since June, so my hair is pretty choppy and layered and messed up now.

This is a picture taken from just about five days ago. My hair is pretty much this length now.

Yeah, it's still not very long. They are barely touching my shoulders, though I expected them to have already grown longer than that by now. In October, I was so confident they would at least touch my shoulders by November. Hn. Guess hair grows slow. Either way, I'm tired of having the same hairstyle for three years, so I'm going to be trying out new stuff now. I'm planning to cut my bangs, trim my hair and dye it next week, just before my birthday. I'm looking to get them cut like Kim Tae Yeon (SNSD). She's been pretty much my idol since forever, so I thought why not? I haven't had bangs in a long time.

Yeah, it's probably going to be like that. I'm rather excited to see how I would technically look with straight bangs, since I haven't had them since I was... hm. Ten? Eleven? I hope it turns out rather well and I don't screw it up. I don't want to end up looking like shit on my birthday.

hn. meme

2010-12-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

FIVE things you wish you could say to FIVE different people right now:
- I don't need you anymore.
- Could you come over again? Just for awhile. Then maybe we could talk just like before. I hope you see this! I love you and miss you.
- Boo you whore.
- Please take care of me. I love you so much, but I don't think I am as strong as you think I am.
- I'm sorry for being such a disappointment.

TEN things about yourself:
- I think I'm really short. 156cm. I would say 157, but then that would be lying to myself. :/
- I have insomnia. It sucks. I think and daydream alot. Especially about Aoi lol
- I lie alot to comfort myself. Sometimes I begin believing my own lies myself.
- I love having physical contact with people I love. I'm a very touchy person, so if you hug me, I may just fall in love with you.
- I love singing. Alot. It's been my dream since young to be a singer.
- I want to grow my hair out long so I can tie braids. Heh. They're so cute!
- I don't care about nails. As long as they aren't chipped or ugly, I don't care about their condition. I don't paint my nails or cut my nails, so that would explain why they are always so long. Teachers constantly think I leave them long to paint them, but that's not it. I just can't be half arsed to bother cutting them regularly. But thank god they're shaped rather prettily naturally and people always think I go for French manicures for some reason. heh.
- My fingers are very, very, very flexible. I can bend them over almost to a 360 degree turn and it won't hurt at all. Everyone thought I was a freak when I was in preschool and I walked around showing that off lol
- I'm very vain and I wear make up and the like, but I'm too afraid to wear contacts because it''s just... scary. It's like poking yourself in the eye.
- I'm so afraid of the one day where I will wake up and find no one sleeping beside me.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
- Fashion coordinates
- Gazette. Aoi and Uruha.
- Friends
- Aspirations
- Stress
- Random thoughts
- Family (I place them the last because my family is really peaceful so I have nothing to worry about.)

Four things you do before you fall asleep:
- Pray
- Think. Alot.
- Tell my brothers goodnight
- Sing. I used to sing my brothers to sleep, but now they have their own rooms so I sing to myself :(

FOUR things you see right now:
- Cup noodles
- Hello Kitty shoulder bag
- Hello Kitty phone
- Hello Kitty pillow (lol I have waaay too much hello kitty in this room)

THREE songs that you listen to often:
- SNSD's Oh. It's been my phone's ringtone and message tone since the start of this year, ahahah.
- Gazette's Pledge.
- Ayumi Hamasaki's Moments.

TWO things you want to do before you die:
- Fall in love.
- Make people happy with my voice, my writings, and my smile.

ONE confession:
- I don't believe that anyone can love me.
Also, I steal my brother's love letters (Julie's chocolate filling wafers) all the time. Hehe.

Twilight Hate

2010-12-08T19:04:00.001+08:00

I saw this on tumblr and thought, what's with all the Twilight hate? I'm not a big fan of Twilight, but I used to be one of those obsessive Edward fangirls back in '08. But I kinda fell out of it a year later just before the movies started, ahaha. Worst timing ever. But my mum is a big fan of Twilight. She's read all the four books and they have been the only books she has bothered to complete reading in her life (or so she claims).

And you know what? Even though I don't like Twilight anymore, it doesn't mean I hate it. And as annoying as the fans in the fandom are, I don't blame them. Twilight may not have taught the readers anything, but it brings us girls hope, just.. a little shimmer of hope, that these kind of guys exist in the world, where we are cherished for who we are and not because of anything else. That even if we are boring and dumb, there is at least that someone out there that can accept us for who we are truly. That they would do anything just for us and us only. So what if it never happens? If we feel happier this way, then just let it be. Just let us bask in the happiness and hope of wishing to find someone like that.

Even if it never happens.

My idol

2010-11-23T16:54:00.002+08:00

I don't know how all of you feel about her, but today is her birthday and I would just like to wish her a very special 18th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILEY! ♥

She's been the biggest inspiration EVER. I know it's totally random for my blog to suddenly have this post pop up out of nowhere, but I love her, I really do, and if there is any regret in my life, it'd probably be not getting to know her in person. I love her. I first knew her when I was 12. And I'm ashamed to say that my reason for knowing her was wondering why everybody hated her so much. Everyone around me hated Hannah Montana, and called her a slut on numerous occasions. I wondered, why? Because no one could actually give me a definate answer. People would say, "Oh, she's such a whore because she takes pictures of herself in her undies" or "she posed naked with her father", claims which I would later learn how to refute back after falling in love with Miley.

No one could give me an answer, so I wanted to find out myself. I watched Hannah Montana.

I fell in love.

I couldn't believe anyone could hate this gorgeous girl here. She is so perfect. She is more than an inspiration. She is a normal teenage girl, except she's so... she's not confident. She cries and she gets upset over angsty shit. I read her 'Miles To Go' book and it was the best amount of money I have spent in my entire life so far. I loved her every word and quote. She's flawless, she's really something, she's so beautiful. Inside out. I don't care what anyone says. She has taught me sooo many things. That it's okay to feel lonely sometimes. That it's okay to feel depressed by setbacks. That it's okay to take risks. That it's okay to be different, and not to listen to anyone else.

I have stuck by her through thick and thin. Through her transition from Hannah Montana to the mature girl she is now. No matter what she says or does, I will forever support her decisions and actions. It's her choice, and I'm going to respect that. I'm never going to change my bias from her to anyone else. As much as I listen to Taylor Swift, or Selena Gomez, no one else is going to change that.

I don't know what else to say. I thank god for giving the world this girl. Today we celebrate her 18th birthday. It's another transition from teenager to adulthood. She's growing up, and just like every fan out there, I want to be there with her with everything she's giving to us. ♥

I love you Miley. ♥

meetups

2010-11-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

Today was crazy. amekaoin came to my house at 8 in the morning when I was still asleep. But she managed to keep me awake by chatting with me till 12 noon, before we went to the nearby food court to get some chicken rice ahahah (we had cravings). Talked alot about the year 2008... Wow. Time passes so quickly. Before you know it, 2 years have passed and we're still best friends. Amazing, right? Even when we're seperated into different schools, we still do everything to meet with each other. I love her. ♥

Went to Takashimaya to attend fudgestorm Niko's band performance. :)

Isn't she so adorable? Haha.

Look at Niko playing the flute so seriously :p

It was nice. :)

Tired now so won't say much. It's 1 in the morning and I'm still awake! :( Still feels so early though.

Cheerios. :)

trip to KL: HAUL

2010-11-08T18:42:00.001+08:00

Just came back from a short trip to KL.

Guess who owns 7/8 of Tsubasa's Dolly Wink collection?

ME. (I've been collecting it since January. And now it's november. FML)

I bought Dolly Wink #1, #2, and #8 while I was there. #3 was given to me by Niko fudgestorm (I LOVE YOU BB), #7 was bought from KL in February, and #5 and #6 were bought somewhere in August - October in Singapore

Not to mention I got both the pencil and liquid eyeliner, along with the eyelash fix and casing already. :)

MY LIFE IS THEREBY COMPLETE.

I swear, if you are too poor to go Japan, you probably should just make a trip to KL or something to, um, REVIVE YOURSELF WITH GOODNESS. Because things there are hella cheap and worth it and are well stocked too :)

AND THEY SELL THINGS YOU CANNOT BUY IN SINGAPORE.

But first I will illustrate my point by presenting to you this gorgeous dress which is too gorgeous to even describe. The end.

HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS?!!?!?

My picture will forever not do it justice.

I HATE HOW SHITTY MY CAMERA IS THAT IT CANNOT PROPERLY CAPTURE THE BEAUTY ESSENCE OF IT.

It is, basically, a combination of a tube dress and a blouse. Unfortuantely for me, this dress set only came in a freaking L size which the S sized me cannot fit, even for the life of me. But because I cannot bear to leave the place without purchasing this holy freaking gorgeous dress, that obstinate nature of mine took over me and I... just... .............

(just in case you're wondering, I use pins and everything else helpful to hold the dress up. lmfao it doesn't look that big anyways. ok maybe the sleeves are abit too long, but w/e! princesses deserve nice long sleeves :))

.... LOOK AT IT. JUST. LOOK. AT. IT.

It is so lacey I just wanna die. (in a good way) Also, it's so pretty that it deserves close up shots. :):):)

Of course, every great dress comes with a matching head... thingy. :)

I am sorry for the blurry and very shitty picture of me (say hello to shitty compact cameras).

Bought another dress too. I am ashamed to say it greatly resembles an AP dress which would technically make it a replica but I am too poor to afford the real thing so I shall settle for second best.

Eitherway, it's still gorgeous, so I am not complaining. :)

Yes, I need two different types of accessories to choose from to match my dresses.

Socks and Gloves:

This will be the most interesting petticoat you will ever see:

From below, it looks like this:

Lovely. :P

Red-maroon like color wig:

Clip-on hair extensions:

These were really worth it. 30 SGD for ONE, and it was a buy 1 get 1 free thing, so in total I probably spent like 60 SGD for TWO PAIRS of these. And the quality isn't even shitty - it's totally reasonable for its price. Sure, it isn't silky smooth like Cyperous wigs or any other Japanese brand, but I don't need silky smooth hair. As long as it isn't too frizzy or anything, it's totally OK with me.

I love dramatic hair.

Sad to say, I can't clip on the straight type ones because it's too heavy for my thin hair to hold onto. I guess I'll just wait until my hair grows or something. At the very least I'll just get some cheap China wig to use them on, ahaha. If only these were blue/turquoise, though, then maybe I could finally get to some Hatsune Miku cosplay.

I swear, I only buy these kind of clothes cause they remind me so much of Liz Lisa and I've been deprived of them since February. :( I need some Liz Lisa shopping spree in my life again

Thank god there is F21?

These Forever21 boots were too cute to resist! :) I love how they're always inserting bows into everything they design - it's practically as if they read every other gal's mind :) And I believe they concentrate alot on what's in and out of the Japan market, because half of the stuff they sell can easily be incorporated into regular Gal items etc

From ZARA:

This shorts are literally velvet. So comfy.

.... I'm such a Hello Kitty fan.

Camping-sorta-like bag.

Laptop casing! (Impt necessity for me. I bring my laptop to practically wherever)

This is a hello kitteh handbag which is too adorable to be put down. It's bigger than my usual bags, so that's a plus point. Also, it has the cross zig zag line design thing going on, which I've always liked.

Did anyone know that Crocs were collaborating with Hello Kitty again? I didn't. These pair of flats are very comfortable, and the bow at the front is shiny. It actually gleams - I'm not kidding!

Other junk I bought. Oh, I've been trying out eyelid tapes recently. I bought the above tape recommended by Miyake who's also a fellow Singaporean gyaru fashion follower. It's only RM 5 bucks, which is about 2 dollars SGD. And they have 12 pieces inside, and on one piece, there are 10 pairs of stickers on it. I don't know if I can find this in Singapore, though, so I bought two packets to be safe! Miyake says she got it from Genting in Malaysia, too, so to my current knowledge I only know MY sells this.

Her eyes are really, really pretty!

I've given up on eyelid glue. Seriously. It's so hard to properly get a high crease and most of the time they become hidden, which I don't like, because somehow gyaru make up dictates eyelids to be impossibly high for the normal Asian girl. :(

This is what my eyes look like normally:

Please excuse my horrible curled lashes.

As you can see, my crease is next to nothing FML

So I tried the tape.

Again, please excuse my lashes. Do you see the difference? I think the eyelid tape is a much better alternative, and it can also be easily covered with make up. The tape on my eyes weren't obvious at all after I put my make up, but even without it, the tapes still aren't very noticeable. :)

OMG I SOUND LIKE I'M DOING A REVIEW ON SOME BEAUTY FASHION MAKE UP BLOG OR SOMETHING WTF AHAHAHAH

... ok bye :)

HAP'10

2010-10-30T23:27:00.001+08:00

It's late now and I'm tired! Long day today for me. Here are some pictures to share. :)

PS: We custom made our hat ourselves!!!

We say bye bye :)

More Pictures Here

My secret

2010-10-26T20:57:00.004+08:00

You know, I always realise that my voice is very much a mezzo soprano. As in, I do believe I have a broader range of notes, but I sing the best in that range, because my voice is the most stable and controlled.

I like to pretend alot, though, especially during singing auditions, because I can hit high notes, and I constantly sing songs in really high notes just to display my versatility in being able to hit them. Haha, I'm such a fake aren't I? But it is fun singing notes that high. And it's not like I fail at them.

I love playing with my voice. :) One day I hope to be as good as broadway star Kristin Chenoweth. Belting out notes at random. I don't aspire to be an opera type of singer though. My voice is really loud and strong as a whole especially with the mezzo range I'm most comfortable with, so I'm just going to work on that.

For now I'm just going to continue pretending! Trying to broaden my vocal range more and more each day. I was a really horrible alto when I was young, even if I really loved singing and aspired to be a singer and everything. Singing isn't about talent - it's about practice, and I've known that since a long time ago. If I can train my terrible, low alto voice into a soprano one's voice, I believe everyone can do the same if only they wanted to, too.

But this isn't my limit yet. I can go higher.

I just need more time.

Maturity

2010-10-25T21:37:00.004+08:00

I was just thinking one day...

What defines 'maturity'? Is it once you have achieved some sort of master degree in education, you are 'mature'? Or is it once you have developed a... chest (for women) and so on, you are 'mature'? Or is it once you have done something good/wrong, you are 'mature'?

What is maturity? Are there many aspects of it? Like, I am mature in education, and I am mature in being honest as well. I am also mature physically. I am mature in standing up for knowing what is right and what is wrong.

What would you define as mature? What would make you go all "wow, that girl is really mature." when you see a girl walking by you? Is it her aura? A feeling you get when you notice her immediately? A superior type of feeling perhaps? Or is it because she looks too old for her age, when you know her real age? Or is it because she did something really virtuous? Helping her friend, maybe. Knowing right from wrong.

Mature.

I'm not even fourteen yet.

And I don't expect that word to be used on me, because it's been countlessly repeated by my parents to me that I'm not mature, and am still rather childish.

My tastes are bizzare. I love pink, any kind of sugary goodness, dresses, frills, lace, princessey, hello kitty and the like. I still buy stickers, for god's sake. And today, Janice just helped me pin an Alice (in wonderland) bow on my hair while I walked around in school (rather shamelessly.)

Mature. Will you define me as mature? Do you judge me based on my tastes?

What about my emotions? My personality? My thoughts? Are they mature? Because I know I'm special in my way of thinking. I think too much, and it affects me... alot. I'm starting to think that this trait of mine will become really problematic in the future. Usually symptoms like these lead to really serious depression, and considering me, I'm not surprised if I land in some ward at IMH, and I'm not even kidding.

But Trixie's told me I'm mature. Trixie says she looks up to me, because I seem to know what to do everytime. I seem to just follow my heart, not my mind. And she wants to be just like that.

Danika tells me I'm a very self motivating person, always happy and rarely sad. Is that mature? Does it mean that if I can pick myself up after each failure every time, it means I am a mature person?

I don't know. That is for you to decide and for me to know. But unless you know me personally, you're going to be judging me on my physical likes and dislikes and appearance.

I doubt I really do look fourteen. People have told me I looked sixteen, or twelve. It varies, really, on each other's perspective. But deep down in my heart I believe I do look my age. I'm young. Not that young, but young.

But I guess if you base maturity on my overall personality and everything, I guess I really can't compare to even those twelve year olds out there. I know I'm young. Maybe too young for my own good. There are even more mature children out there. I know my maturity can't even equal to theirs. I'm... special for my own good. But isn't that great? And I know all my friends are, too. They are all special. Being young is special.

As innocent and young as we may seem, our hearts are as mature as we can get. I believe we are the most upright people you will ever know, and you can never not trust us. But maybe being mature equals to our hearts being young as well, since only the young children understand the true meaning of "deceit" and "lies". And maybe we are just like them, afterall, because we still uphold these similar values in our lives.

This got me to thinking what kind of senior I would be once I turn Secondary Three. 15? Are you joking with me? I'm not even 14 yet, why would I think about something so far away? But really, technically, once I reach the year 2011, I'm... 15. Even though my birthday's in December. I'm going to turn 15 that year, I'm going to be... growing old.

But I doubt I will ever be. Look at me now. Do I look mature? No. I think I'm weird, but that's OK. I think myself as a whole will never be mature. My thoughts and feelings are so strange and random that I don't even think my personality will ever change. I'm... straightforward. I speak from my heart. Is that mature?

I guess I just like to have fun. I'm never going to be the type of girl that matures along with her own age. And that kind of scares me, because I don't want to be still dancing in clubs or wearing lolitas at the ripe age of 50. But that's good, ain't it? Young at heart.

Overall, I guess maturity varies from one another. One may think maturity is this and that, but the other may not think the same. But I think most people will judge me and tell me I'm not mature, which I'm really fine by going by that.

Afterall, who wants to age so soon?

I'm happy being young!

Cheers! :)

PS: Hannah, Minkin, Janice, Christy and I are going to try to celebrate Halloween this Saturday!!! HAHAHAHA Our plan shall lay secret with us now. I hope it works and we succeed in our first halloween party ever!!! :)

Sexuality & Xmas service & Media Studies interview

2010-10-20T19:20:00.003+08:00

It's been a really long time since I blogged about my school day, so I'll just do that before the year ends.

Today, Rachel finally came back to school! Yay! So far she's been absent for the past few days due to high fever. I miss my enthu partner!!! I'm glad she's back! Though still having coughing fits, but other than that she looks like she's recovering already! (I hope!) I'll really miss her as my oh so fantastic partner when we change classes next year :( She's really awesome! Rachel, I hope you see this. Hahaha.

So, today Hannah and I reached school before 7 to meet Mrs Dhaliwa and give her the LAMDA form, a highly prestigious/internationally recognised English oral speaking exam that would award us certificates and all if we did great on it :) Hannah wants to be a photojournalist while I want to be a journalist, so... haha. I guess we really want this! I met Hannah along the way to class and we tried to find Mrs Dhaliwa but she wasn't there! :( Even though she promised she would meet us. Liar!

But we met her after assembly, anyway, and there seemed to be really few people taking up the exam. Well, it doesn't really matter anyway! :) I just want to do really well on it so I have many certificates to prove my worth! And I DO believe I can ace it if I really put my mind to it. :)

Then, we had the 4 hour sexuality talk which was boring! I dragged Grace to sit with me, hahaha I'm really glad about our friendship lately, because some things happened and... Well, to cut the long story short, I actually kind of understand how she really feels about this whole friendship thing now. Remember my earlier post about me treating her as my best friend but I didn't know whether she treated me that as well? Well, she read it, and ... things happened. :) But I'm really thankful for that, anyways, so thank you, Grace! I'm really glad that you said I was what you always wanted, because you were what I wanted as well. That special friend in secondary school. I don't regret our friendship at all! :)

Today she seemed kind of troubled, though, and I was really worried though I didn't dare voice my opinions about it. :( If you're reading this Grace, please do take care! And if you have anything you want to tell me, just share :)

So I tried to ignore Minki cause she DUMPED me yesterday!!!!! To cut long story short, she dumped me and the rest and PON-ed school TO SLEEP AT HOME AND GO FACEBOOKING!!! WE HAD A PRESENTATION TO DO FOR INNOVATION WEEK!!!! :( (Our presentation was to present a school song that we composed to the judges. We had to sing to it, and our group was the only one that bothered to make an effort to create actions to go along with it!) Rachel and Minki didn't come, so we were only left with Clara, Tamira and I. But I think our presentation still went well anyway! Hahaha, I think I might have danced a little bit... unconsciously. Mrs teo was so cute! She was all "wow, sally you really can dance, huh?" And then the whole class erupted into laughter and applauded for me?!?!?!?! EMBARRASSED TO THE MAX! But I was glad it still went well...

I really wanted to make Rachel proud :)

But anyways, I didn't ignore Minki, and during the Sexuality workshop we had to have pens to write on the book, so I turned to Minki (she was seated behind me), glared at her, and said "IN ORDER FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU, I DEMAND YOU LEND ME A PEN!!!!!" and she was all "NOOOOOO!!! SOCIAL DISTANCING WOMAN!!!!" and tried to shift away from me.

But because I'm cool like that, I still snatched her pencil case away and got two pens for me and Grace, haha. POOR MINKI. She had to lend Janice, Hannah, Christy too. Hahahaha

Well, Sexuality talk was boring but also quite fun. So funny!!! Minki and Christy got chosen as one of the volunteers, ahahhaha. Apparently Christy cheated on Merissa with Minki AHAHAHAH And Merissa cheated on Christy with RACHEL!!!! So funny!!! Gosh, priceless! :)

I finally ate during recess today! I've been skipping meals lately during recesses and lunches during school time because the queue lines are too long. The whole level is constricted to merely half an hour to eat before we return back to our post exam activities, so it's really squeezy and crowded during break times. I don't like it, so I don't really eat anymore.

But today, the cafe didn't seem to be too crowded! So I ate with Janice, Hannah, Genesa, Claire and Alex :) We ate some fried noodles thing with... chicken? I don't know! It's just some flat round piece of... meat. Either way around this timing Hannah and I started to panic and think about our Media Studies interview later, hahahah.

Did I mention? I'm applying for Media Studies as a subject for next year. I want to easily get into Mass Communications to further study journalism :) DSA to other colleges/polytechnics!!!! It's much better for me this way! And maybe finally, I can accomplish my dream of going to New York to get a higher degree then!

The only thing is that, you have to sit through an interview and show your EOY English & Literature results to them so they can judge your abilities to juggle the subject. It's an extra subject and we have to decide to drop A-Maths, one Pure Humans or Pure Science. I've decided to drop my A-Maths because it's useless to me :) Also, I attained a 72 (eng) & 74 (lit) for my EOYs results so I was pretty confident I could get in. I attained a 78 for my literature in Term 4 you know!!!! So proud of it! :)

Anyway, back to the main topic.

We had Xmas service and it was boring. Didn't absorb anything, sorry! But had fun caroling. But it was this point of time that I realise Grace (seated beside me) really seemed really down so I was really worried! Maybe it's just her usual self, but she really seemed upset. I think it had to do with the speech. Dumb pastors! All they can say is "every life is special, unique. every life can make a difference. have you ever felt lonely? like no one can understand etcetc" I thought it was really depressing. Was that what affected her? :(

Then the whole thing dragged to 2'oclock and Jamie kept turning to me and giving me frowns because we were waaaaay past our scheduled Media Studies interview! But I thought it was OK, since the teachers would understand our position anyway!

Then, Hannah, Jamie and I rushed back up to class and grabbed our bags, rushing to the Media Studies venue! Dumb Jiaeenn was screaming "I LOVE YOU SALLY~~" along the way to me. And I was all ".... *shrug shrug shrug* " with a face that said GET A LIFE hahahah Maybe I was too mean? Anyway I was quite relieved when I got there, actually, because there seemed to be quite few people there.

From my class, these people were auditioning: Elizabeth, Cassandra, Grace (Heng), Jia Hui, Jamie and last but not least Hannah and I!

There were a few girls from 2-1, 2-5, and 2-6, but that was it.

Little did I know I was wrong :( Girls from all other classes started entering the room like five minutes later, and it was a whole crowd of them! That tensed me up, actually...

Anyway, I was actually the last girl to be interviewed. I guess I just didn't want to go first, or go to the middle, haha. Since usually the first and last girls leave a much deeper impression. :)

There were 2 teachers interviewing the students! One was Ms. Annabella Ong, and the other was Ms. Rena Gomes. Ms. Rena Gomes was my Literature teacher from last year, so I was quite glad. She also gave me my oral exam this year, and graded me rather high (unexpected, cause she looked so glum during my speech!). I was rather pleased with how my interview flowed.

She took my letter of request, scanned her eyes down to my marks, and immediately exclaimed "DEAR!!! You got so good results, why don't want take Triple Science?!!"

That shocked me alot! Ahahaha, I told her I didn't think I could get in, and besides, even if I could I didn't want the stress level anyway.

Also, the way she said it made me feel as if Media Studies was for people who did badly and had no other route to take?!??!?!?!? I almost felt insulted!

And I told her a whole lot of bunch of emo crap AHAHAH And said something like "I've always been wanting Media Studies, even from last year" and she was all "But I didn't tell you all about Media Studies last year!!!" and I told her "Well, my mum is a typical parent, she collects such brochures from schools and all..." :)

Then I told her, "Also, I auditioned for SOTA in Primary 6 but I didn't get in through my singing, and so God placed me in PL instead, so I guess it's the route he wants me to take? Also, since PL has Media Studies, I believe I can excel in it blahblahblah" and Ms. Gomes smiled at me. SMILED!!!! I don't know why, but that made my day. She only smiles at students she really likes (hint: RACHEL!!!!) and this was the first time she smiled at me so warmly and it just made me feel so... :)

Then, she was like "Actually, I've always known that you wrote really well, so that part is secured!" And she asked the basic questions, like if I had any other commitments or anything else! I guess she didn't want Media Studies to pressure me if I had other stuff going on! I told her no, and she seemed quite relieved.

Lastly, she asked if I signed up for the LAMDA thing, and when I nodded she was all "Ohh... That's really good, then. Thank you, dear! :)" And I got really happy because it probably meant she wanted me to go for it (since she was my oral teacher and all!)

Overall, my interview finished rather quickly and I didn't get to say alot of things I wanted to (Ms Gomes seemed like she wanted to get straight to the point and all with me!), but she really seemed in favour with me because of my results :) I'm really glad! I really hope I get this subject, you know! I have really high hopes for this.

I finished about almost the same time Elizabeth did (she was seated right next to me, talking to Ms Annabella Ong instead) and when we went out, we met up with Hannah who was waiting for us already.

Chatted with them and Hannah seemed really happy about her interview as well! Elizabeth was all "I screwed it up UGH!!!" Ahahaha, but somehow I felt like the teachers were all generally a very friendly bunch to all the students, so I don't know if Ms Gomes is just... well, making me happy for this short period of time?

Also, not to be mean - really, but Ms Gomes has never doubted me once and I do believe I have the highest scores among all of the other people who got interviewed too! I checked the list before, and everybody wrote down their scores, and I was the only one with 70s :) Hannah says the teachers probably only doubt people who are in lower classes (NO OFFENCE! I'm sorry, really, it's just us being very judgemental pricks.... please don't be offended if any of you read this!) because she only saw the teachers asking those kinda students "are you sure you'll be hardworking for this? are you very sure?!" and we didn't get asked such questions at all!

So I really, really have high hopes for this!

I really want to be a renowned journalist when I grow up! :)

PS: Do you like my new blog song? It's so relaxing and peaceful and calm and... so nice! It's my Sexuality Talk's instructor's wedding song! I really like it; it's from a really old show called "How to make an American Quilt :)

I really want to get married someday! With a long white gown that sweeps the floor. In a pretty little church with red roses everywhere. Walking down the aisle to my one and only love...

Random shots

2010-10-16T21:08:00.003+08:00

This is what happens when friends come over my house:

Not putting Gen's photo cause she'll kill me, haha.

xoxo

sometimes its hard

2010-10-14T23:33:00.001+08:00

“as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and its harder every time. you’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you’ll fight with your best friend. you’ll blame a new love for the things an old one did. you’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love… so take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.“

2010-10-11T15:44:00.001+08:00

Every night and every morn,

Some to misery are born,

Every morn and every night,

Some are born to sweet delight.

Some are born to sweet delight,

Some are born to endless night.

Shopping with Mum on Friday :)

2010-10-10T21:43:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 10.10.10!!!

I caught 10:10:10AM & 10:10:10PM on 10.10.10

HOW ABOUT YOU? :)

~~~

SOOOOO more shopping with my mum on friday.

UMM Went to Takashimaya, then Orchard ION, then to Far East Plaza. I didn't buy anything in Takashimaya (except Kinokuniya for jap mags lmfao) and neither did I in ION. Was quite disappointed cause most brands were already releasing their fall collection and... my dear country does not have fall. Neither does it have winter or spring. It's like 24/7 summer here, so that really sucks, but we can wear summer clothing (which i feel are the most pretty!!!! among the other seasons) everyday lmfao the only thing that sucks is that universal brands like ZARA etc have special collections for each season and we lose out during those times. ;A;

Wellll here's my dress up today.

Went to Far East Plaza and bought a blonde wig. It looked so pretty I couldn't resist! :) I don't have a blonde wig with curls...

Without Flash:

With Flash:

These usagi headbands were on sale for THREE for five bucks WTF I don't even know how the woman earns her money.

The two shoes above were bought TOGETHER for 45 dollars! Cheap, right? Such a good steal :) I've been wanting such shoes since I saw such designs in Dongdaemum in Korea!

These pink shoes are gorgeous!!! But they're really expensive, 50 dollars... So hime-ish, though!

This looks just like a Liz Lisa replica! I tried a similar dress in Liz Lisa but it didn't really fit me (UMMM I'M 14 I'M STILL YOUNGGG THERE ARE SOME CLOTHES THAT ARE STILL ~TOO MATURE~ FOR ME ) so I didn't buy it. This is a mini version of it, lmfao. And surprisingly, this time it doesn't look too bad on me :) The shoplady said it was imported from Japan, too.

I think I have too much ribbon/bow/lacy dresses, haha. But still couldn't resist. This dress feels woolly and thick to protect you from the cold! Yet so feminine and adorable at the same time.

The magazines I bought!

From left to right: Gothic Lolita Bible, Ageha, Popteen and Popsister

I wanted to get KERA and EGG as well, but that would be just too much lmfao so I settled for these 4 instead! :)

Ciao <3

Today was fun

2010-10-07T20:40:00.005+08:00

So today I went out with Hannah and Wenjing to Bugis.

I haven't been there in two years!!! :) Needless to say I was quite excited.

Not going to say much, my eyelids are really heavy now so I'll just add some general comments along with my pictures!

My dress up for the day:

Usagi headband: Forever21
Shirt: ZARA
Skirt: TRALALA
Socks: Some sock shop at Shibuya 109?
Shoes: River Island

While waiting for Wenjing to arrive, Hannah and I were too busy camwhoring! :)

Hannah's bag is on the left, my Barbie bag is on the right!!! I had my father specially bring it back for me from Korea!!! It's kiddy but I love it alot, haha.

But my dear friend took a really long time to come. In the meanwhile, we did some window shopping.

And the strangest thing happened ever! Haha, some old man (he was wearing some french beret WTF) walked up to Hannah and I and asked whether he could have a photo of both of us. So naturally we fumbled and looked really awkward, and before we knew it, he had already gotten his camera out and said he was an "artist" and because "you both look so cute!", he wanted a photo of us.

Hannah slipped in a, "... Will we get famous?!?!?!" and then I just awkwardly laughed and shook my head at her. The man didn't hear us, though. He was just setting up his camera and all.

... So naturally we posed for the camera (we couldn't say no) and then passerbys just looked at us strangely ahahah. After he got two shots of us, he asked if we wanted him to send us the pictures, and we quickly said no and ran away.

And Hannah was all, "ARGHGHGH THAT WAS CREEPY LIKE HELL!!!!! hes probably gonna do something to the pictures!!! and obviously we don't need him to send us any pics!!! we take enough camwhore pics on our own!!!"

And then I laughed and said "Well... at least that was somebody who likes our dress up!"

Strangely, throughout the whole day, a few strangers commented on my bunny headband, haha. I kept getting called "小白兔" which means "Little White Rabbit" in Chinese! I think it's mega adorable though! :) I wanted Hannah to wear hers too, but the color didn't match her outfit that day, so she didn't.

We entered a departmental store, rushed for the shoe section and very cheaply stole some seats while waiting for Wenjing. Then we started reading Popteen.

So after shopping for a really long while, we went to eat Ajisen Ramen!

And so we continue reading Popteen.

Then it's time for neoprints... or in Japan they call it 'purikura' :)

Look at my buys for the day! Not much, though they were really cheap and worth it. :)

I've been wanting a corset belt for forever!

It's so shinnyy and blinggg!!!! :)

Hannah and I both got one. :)

I bought these lashes two weeks back at Daiso:

I have decided to remain faithful to Daiso (with the exception of Dolly Wink/Eyemazing LMFAO) because their lashes are so damn good! Not the highest quality, but they will pass! I don't need high quality stuff anyway. And they're so cheap as well! They have a wide variety of lashes too :) I wore the first pair out today!

I'm going shopping again tomorrow with my mum! Maybe I'll try the second one? :)

Ciao!

MORE PICTURES HERE

Jesus, I believe

2010-10-06T19:21:00.004+08:00

Glee has taught me so much things.

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make his way home?

i did this in 15 minutes

2010-10-04T20:25:00.000+08:00

Birthday Theme

2010-09-23T19:59:00.002+08:00

This is TOTALLY a random idea but I think I really would like to commemorate my 14th birthday to be really special. Also it's exams now and totally not the correct time to be thinking about parties like these, but I don't care!

I've been wanting a lolita-themed party for ages and I think I really want to do it this year. I don't know who will be invited but it's going to be a pretty small amount. Less than 10. For once in my whole life, I don't think I would want a very big, crowded gathering. I would actually just be really content with the people closest to me. I think I'll actually have just a small tea party in a really nice restaurant and enjoy my day with them. I think I'll be happy that way, just like a princess.

My guests would be required to don pretty clothing. Princess-like clothing. If you can't even do this simple task for me, I don't think I'll consider you as a guest to my party. Everybody has to be pretty on my special day. I just want that.

I want pretty cupcakes and just mindless chattering about silly topics. Wouldn't that be so pretty? I hope there's a garden nearby too, so we can enjoy the beautiful view outside and later, take a walk in it. And then we'll take lots of photos to celebrate!

I think that would be an ideal party. I don't want to have to entertain too much guests or anything. I always thought having lots of friends gathered together was a nice thing, but in the end it doesn't really seem like it. I have plenty of opportunities to see the others. I just want to celebrate this year with the closest friends to my heart.

I think I know who I'm going to invite already.

2010-09-21T19:55:00.002+08:00

I'm much too fragile for my own good.

I cry too easily when it comes to expectations of myself.

I know I can do better.

I hope I do.

Please Lord, I believe in you. Please give me the strength I need and the confidence I desire to face tomorrow. Please do not let me get too affected by the words of others, or let me tear so easily because of my weaknesses. I am a strong girl who has faith in you.

Thank you for bestowing upon me such wonderful friends who will forever be there for me. Who will embrace me and tell me everything is OK, no matter what, you know.

Thanks Jia Eenn for letting me cry into her shoulders. Thanks Hannah, Grace, Janice, Lavine, Minki, Genesa, Yanen, Cheryl, Jacelyn, Delia etc for telling me to cheer up when I needed it. I don't know who the rest are because I couldn't see anything through my tears. But I recognised your voices, and I really appreciated it.

Thank you o lord.

Forever gracing you.

Best Friends and my dreams and hopes with them.

2010-09-18T20:56:00.003+08:00

This post is going to be really private, but I don't know why I'm not afraid of typing it out here.

So I will.

I realise that I share dreams with all of my best friends.

I'm only going to name two here. OK, maybe two and a half. Sort of. Lulu and Minki. And Grace. OK, one is from Primary School and the other two are from Secondary School. And I'm sorry if your name is not here but I still love you. I just share same dreams and ambitions with them and they're special that way.

First off, I don't know if I'm their best friends or not, lol. Normally I'm not ever sure whether I'm their best friends or not but I consider them my bffs anyway. I realise it's always like that, but w/e. Either way I know Lulu's my bff in Primary School but I don't know if she's gotten a new one or anything. But still, even if we don't talk as frequently anymore, and sometimes I still doubt our relationship, but to me she's forever my best friend in my heart. So she's forever included. Like that. :)

Just random: But when do you consider your relationship with your best friend to end? I don't know how to differentiate it ending or anything. As in, maybe when you fight with her and never talk to her after that, maybe it ends like that. But what if it's just like my current situation? Rarely talking but still holding onto the old memories? I don't know, I still consider her my best friend this way. I still feel that we run to each other when we need comfort and help and seek solace in each other's company and words. I think that's the good thing about best friends, we'll never stop being each other's sisters. So to me, unless we really completely don't talk anymore (like for one year or so, without any contact whatsoever) or we fought, then I still consider her my best friend. Forever. :)

At every stage of your life, I realise you really only can hold onto a special someone. I had great friends in Primary School but when it comes down to it, you realise there's only that special someone who's always there. And for me, it's Lulu. I'm not excluding anyone out, but she just gives me that special warm feeling when I speak to her, or see her. That's how best friends make you feel right? They make you feel happy inside and fluttery in the stomach. And you just want to hug her again and smile. I grin really big and wide when I see her. I kind of want to do that slow-motion dramatic running thing into her arms just like taiwan dramas but I don't, haha. Lulu thinks I'm creepy enough (in a good way!!!) and this will just further ruin my reputation lol (not like I had any in the first place)

Her dream with me? To make it big. As singers. To be together forever. To live our life full of passion and love. To continue our dreams and be just like S.H.E. BFFs forever. Right? We shared the same passion of singing. Went to join so much competitions together. Went to build so much aspirations together. Went to even attempt auditioning for SOTA. We've been through too much.

Eitherway, Lulu was that special someone in Primary School.

So comes Secondary School. I don't know why, I always thought Grace would be that special someone. She's so distant but she's so close to me. I thought she understood me inside out. I thought she would be the friend I felt most comfortable with. She still is a great friend, she's been with me all through the most part of Secondary One and I really loved her because she's so sweet and nice to me even after all these while. Even though she made me cry that one time, even though she's done so many weird, bizzare stuff to me, but they just make me laugh everytime. Even though she tells lame jokes and steals my pencil case and throws out my stuff one by one and refuses to give me the papers sometimes and plays snatch with me and steals my stuff for fun and doodles on my books and throws insults to me and sends me stupid text messages and (used to) stay up late every night talking to me on msn and hates me for beating her in certain subjects and i hate her for beating me in certain subjects and pinky-promise with each other for lame stupid things that will never happen and i get bullied by her sometimes because she's such a saddist and she tells me what goes on in her life even if sometimes there isn't a need for me to know and she tells me the most impossible things and she lies and she upsets me and hurts me sometimes so bad i'm on the verge of tears and she is still willing to talk to me and apologise and listen to me even when i don't want to listen to her and she shares my troubles and hugs me when i cry and tells me nice things so i stop feeling sad and i send her small notes of how i feel sometimes and she's the only one that will ever know and she supports me in whatever i do and she tells me her dreams and i tell her my hopes and we make promises that we'll do whatever it takes to accomplish them and i really miss her as my seating buddy and i lie when i say i don't want to sit with her anymore and i miss how she says i look like a nerd and i miss how she spoils my glasses and i miss how she plays with everything that's on my table and i miss how she steals my foolscap and i miss how i got my revenge on her back and i miss laughing at yanen and jiaeenn sitting in front of us and i miss how yanen fell on the floor on her butt because jiaeenn pulled her chair and i miss how she gossips to me and i miss how she asks me to smell her food and i miss how she smells erasers and everything else and i miss how she wastes my correction tape and i miss how she complains i change my bags too often and i miss how she never gets mad at me even though i know i'm so annoying and i miss how she always says she hates me but bursts out laughing after that and i miss all the times that she walks to me and smiles at me and holds my arm and drags me to places

and i miss her as that very special friend.

But it's gone now.

I don't know where it went. But she was beautiful. A sweet, precious friend. I thought she was very important to me, but I didn't show it. I don't like showing or telling people how important they are to me. I'm scared they'll take me for granted. I'm scared they'll go away. But at the same time, if I don't tell them how I feel they'll never treat me seriously. They'll still go away, right? But I rather hurt, knowing that they left me thinking that I didn't care much for them anyways, because I don't want to be seen as that fragile and weak.

So when Grace left me for that period of time I felt so weak.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't show it, though. I don't ever want to tell her how much I treated her so preciously. But she actually meant everything to me. I thought she would be that special friend that understood me in and out and I thought that she was everything.

I got so upset when she left and I realised that maybe I was wrong afterall.

She had found new friends. Which was her original clique, only that she never really paid attention to them anyway. But she started... We started drifting apart and it started to hurt and the things that she would do to me and for me? She's moved on to someone else and she's showing her affection to them in the way she used to for me. I didn't care, though. Or at least I pretended not to.

I thought she really was my best friend.

But Grace isn't like those people. Grace is someone who won't say out how much you mean to her, and she won't tell me anything. So I always assumed that she really hated me. You know she used to say she hated me alot, but the period when she left me, and she said she hated me, I really believed those words then. Even though she still laughed after saying it it burned a hole in my heart.

Those months were just tiring. I hung out with my regular clique and laughed and joked and I thought I felt happy, but I didn't think I really did. At the end of it all I really did miss her. I was trying to convince myself that my regular friends made me happy but I guess it's all stupid.

So I found Minki.

Haha, we've such a long history together. SO MUCH. I don't even know where to start. I shouldn't, even, because it'd be an insult to even be ABLE to pen our whole history down in paper. Just know we're a bunch of retarded failure kids who have very big dreams. She wants to be a famously renowned pianist and I want to be a singer. We just have really huge dreams and passions and I really love that aspect. I respect people who know exactly what they love and their passions very much. I love knowing people like these, because that's one thing we share in common: finding joy in the very small haven we have created for ourselves, only. The only place where we let go and are free from any boundaries or limitations. The world where dreams and hopes are built and passion never dies. The place where we can escape to from reality, even just for a few minutes, even just to feel happiness for those few seconds. Because it means so much to us, our dreams, it means so much to have that one thing that we know we'll die for. The only thing that we breathe, live. And one day, I'm going to find a man who has his secret haven as well, too, and maybe we could share our secret havens with each other. Maybe one day people will realise the beauty of dreams. I don't lie when I say I have big dreams. I really do. I don't care if people laugh when I tell them of my passions. I don't care anymore. I used to be afraid of people laughing, but I don't anymore. It's true. It's what I love and what I want to be. It's truly me.

Back on topic. I found Minki.

Then Grace came back to me. I felt used. But I didn't care. I didn't care, because the year was ending and all I really wanted was to feel complete before school ended and holidays started. I started ignoring her, and tried to convince myself I didn't need her that much.

I didn't need the girl who had dumped me aside when I was most vulnerable. I didn't need to misunderstand her again.

We remained on good terms, of course, but that was it.

The end.

Minki and I spent lots of time talking to each other over the holidays. I like to think of it as our bonding time, I think that it was a period when we started to realise just how much we connected and the many things we had in common. The time I realised that maybe... Maybe I had found the one, you know, the one. Maybe I had really thought wrong, afterall, it's not Grace, it's Minki, she's the special one that I've been looking for.

Next year, I didn't think anything would change.

Guess what?

Nothing did.

Minki and I went through alot this year. Alot. I love her for everything she's brought me and I love her for everything she's done and said to me. Kind of similar to what I said about Grace, don't you think? But that's what I do love about my bffs. They all means so much to me this way. Minki's friendship with me deepened even more (if that is even possible), haha, and she likes to use the term "soulsister" because we have such a similar history and have exactly the same thoughts and emotions and everything else and we understand each other PERFECTLY. She's completely opposite of Grace, because Grace doesn't tell me how much I value to her, or if I even value to her at all..

But Minki does. At least I know sometimes she has random outbursts where she goes all "Thank you" and she tells me how much she appreciates me and I really like that. I really like people telling me how much I've impacted them and how much they really need me in their lives. Because I'm a very... I like to tell people how much I love and need them. I like to show my affection openly, but it's hard to do that when you're friends with a person who always has that 'I-don't-care' attitude and ignores or doesn't understand when you're upset, and only knows when you finally break down and cry.

But I'm not insulting Grace. No, not at all. I think we got even more close together this year because of that. We're not seating partners anymore, but I was really happy when on the first day of school she walked up to me and laughed and said she was going to ruin my life. And I asked how? And she said she was going to sit with me again no matter what. And even though she didn't directly say she missed me, but it was enough, you know. It didn't matter if she really missed me or not... I'm just glad she just wanted a little piece of our friendship back. Even if for just a little.

We didn't sit with each other, because the teacher's pulled us apart.

But it's OK. I think this social distancing may really be better for us, afterall. Because after that I've found it really easy to not need her in my life anymore. Even though I look at her sometimes and I ask does she still think of our previous best friend relationship? But it's OK, you know. People move on, and what for worry when I have Minki? She's perfect. Everything I really needed.

But people take a long time to move on.

So Grace started talking to me again, this year, and we had many misunderstandings through it but it's all fine now. I like to think that after all that happened, it's build up to the strong friendship we have this day and I think our friendship is currently very beautiful. It's something that I will remember after she's gone. I think she's taught me lots of things over the course of our friendship, and I really embrace it. I used to think that such a perfect person like her wouldn't want to be friends with such a person like me, but she's proven me time and time that I was wrong. I used to think she didn't cherish me, but she really did, and I know she still does. I know that last year, I've misunderstood her completely. No, I was being immature and annoying when I felt so upset she left me. It wasn't really that way. Grace was obliged to. She was obliged to do everything, and she's nice and sweet that way because she doesn't refuse anyone. And she promises me she never lies and I believe her. And she's more outspoken now. More open about her feelings to me, and I like that. I like that thought of her, such an ignorant person, telling me how she really feels about things, because she's not that type. I like the thought that she's telling me her private thoughts all on her own will, and I like how I'm the only person she seems so open with. I think she's a truly wonderful person and deserves everything she has.

That one fine day, she walked up to me and clutched my arm again.

She said she was so afraid of failing her piano exam because it meant so much to her. I told her it was OK, because she was talented and so genius in everything she did. No, but she still insisted she was afraid.

She really wanted her degree.

I guessed it immediately. 'You want to be a pianist.' I say, and she just looks at me shocked. She never thought I would have guessed, but I did. I did. I've seen this look on people's faces before. I know how scared people get when they think they're going to lose their passion, because it's their everything, and when it's over, it's over for them entirely. I know how frightened people get when they think of their dreams falling apart.

I know, because I've been there myself.

She nods her head, and she tells me about her dream. I tell her about mine, and then I look at her, and I realise she's slightly comforted. Maybe not entirely, but she's smiling a little now, and I know she's happy. Happy because she knows there's someone like her now. Someone that clings onto a dream that seems impossible, happy because she knows there is someone that understands.

We pinky-promised that day, again.

I told her, You'll be a pianist. One fine day, I will go on stage, and I will see you there, behind the grand piano. You will be a very talented pianist, you know? You're awesome, I don't want you to ever give up on your dream.

She said to me, I'll be your accompaniment. You'll sing for the crowd while I play for you. Do you promise me?

She held out her last pinky finger and smiled at me. I didn't hesitate to wring my pinky finger around hers back.

She laughed, and I know I've entered the darkest, deepest place in her heart.

~~~

And now, I will make a pinky-promise with you (who is currently reading this post.)

Promise me you'll never tell Grace what I have written here. Even though I know she will never read this unless she finds out somehow. And I know I'm not supposed to reveal this secret promise I have with her on this public blog. I know that I've kind of betrayed our promise, sort of, and I know she isn't the type to actually want people reading this. But listen. I felt really happy that day. Last month, I think. The day I realised that nothing had really changed afterall, after so long.

But this is my blog. I'm not going to see her anymore after this year. I just know it, and I want to pen down every little of my memories here. Best friends come and go but I'll hold onto every and each one of them, just like how I did with Lulu, and how I will do with Grace and Minki. I love them all and I don't want anything to fade.

Promise me?

Skin Problem... It's your fault.

2010-09-18T19:56:00.003+08:00

You know when I look at pictures of people with shitty skin, I think they have no one else to blame but them.

Sorry if anyone takes offense, if you have shitty skin don't even bother to read this post. I have a f-ed up head.

Anyway, I always think that it's your fault if you have acne and what shit. It's your fault for not taking care of your own skin, and if you reason that it's because it's your natural genes and whatnot, I'll tell you this: Since you already know you have such shitty genes, then you should be more wary of your skin all the more.

To put it simply?

IT'S YOUR FAULT. PERIOD.

I know I'm being prejudiced but whenever I see someone with shitty skin I somehow feel that they're dirty and have very bad hygiene. I know, I know, I shouldn't make assumptions. But you make me think badly about you.

I know just because I was born with good skin doesn't mean everyone is, and I should consider myself lucky and stop biasing others just because of their outlook. But if you have an oily and greasy complexion, then it's due to your hygiene.

PERIOD.

If you're telling me you have been taking skin medication for years, and you can't help the way your skin is, then let me tell you this.

IT'S NOT WORKING. YOUR SKIN PRODUCTS ARE NOT WORKING, AND FRANKLY, THE DOCTOR YOU SEE? Change it. IT'S NOT WORKING, STOP DELUDING YOURSELF ETCETC

Because if the medicine you're using does not work on you even after 2-3 years, THEN IT IS NOT RELIABLE.

ughh I HAVE TO GET OFF THE COM NOW SO BYE, AND KIDS REMEMBER TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR SKIN. YOU HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME.

BYE

2010-09-18T19:49:00.001+08:00

我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
想到快瘋掉死不了就還好

Complimenting Myself

2010-09-15T18:55:00.002+08:00

Just doing a quick blog post before I go do some math.

I dunno leh :( As mentioned in a blog post before, I'm super conceited and very... IDK I'm just very bitchy, okay? I don't even know how I survived till now but I usually keep my bitchy attitude to myself and I don't really try to express my thoughts as much as I want to. I have seriously too much opinions on other people which sometimes also scare me 'cause I mean... I would start thinking what if they had this much opinions about me too, and then I feel relieved when I remember no one is as bitchy as me.

I mean I'm seriously the bitchiest girl (maybe not the bitchiest. But I'm worse than average person) on Earth ;A; I really really automatically generate lots of feedback (mostly negative) in my head when I see something, or just... anything, really, but the good thing is that I know how to keep my mouth shut and I don't say it right in your face.

Actually come to think of it, I try not to say it out loud to others as well. Because that would be like gossiping/backstabbing and I really hate that sort of people. But lately after entering secondary school I find myself more expressive with my views about people :( I think it has to do with my environment change! No offence but people in PL are usually super pure and they speak their minds freely so I just go with the flow and adopt the habit of ... speaking freely T_T I think it's going to get me into trouble one day T_T I mean, I know speaking your mind is good, and very honest, but most of the times my head is filled with bad opinions so I really can't stop those words from racing out of my mouth. ...

Anyway I realise I'm naturally this bitchy. Like I didn't train myself to be like this or what. I just have super high self-esteem for myself and I generally think all others are lower than me (sorry bbs :() that I will always be better than you in whatever you do, etcetc

And lately I realise that whenever I try to encourage people or compliment them - I really do try to! - the words that I use aren't very pretty to hear :( Instead of making it sound very sweet and nice for them, the words I use tend to twist and turn and make it sound like I'm complimenting myself instead :(

For example, there was this time that I wanted to praise someone on their writing skills, so I said:

"Wow! Your writing's so intricate and beautiful. I don't know how to explain - it's none like the other. I used to write like that, I think it's really pretty!"

And then after re-reading my comment a few times, I got panicky so I went to ask some friends if what I said sounded too... egoistic. That it sounded like I was praising myself more than I was praising the writer.

And they all said yes!!! I felt super sad WTF Why can't I just live with a super high self esteem and everyone accept that?! I'm proud of my writing so I... :( But I realise it's not good to comment like this, especially when I don't know you personally and you may think I'm a bitch when I say things like these.

I swear, people like me get misunderstood very easily! I think all bitchy girls are actually very nice inside! Not that they purposely try to act all bitchy and mean - I mean, who wants to be known as that? I think it's just part of our personality as a whole that we think so highly of ourselves! It's either we control ourselves and keep our thoughts to ourselves, or we say it out loud and risk getting labelled as a bitch. It's good that I usually think twice before I comment though, and I usually ask my friends whether what I'm saying sounds abit too bitchy for the "average person" to take. And I'm happy that they understand I'm really not a bitch, I just... have too much confidence.

And if I can't turn the comment into something better, then I rather not comment at all! I really don't want people to think I'm mean and egoistic when that's not the case! I really do try to be nice and sweet but somehow it always backfires on me :(

However, I realise that when I take out the part where I sort of compliment myself, the whole comment generally turns out alot nicer and very complimenting!!!

For e.g if I take out the "I used to write like that" from this comment: "Wow! Your writing's so intricate and beautiful. I don't know how to explain - it's none like the other. I used to write like that, I think it's really pretty!"

It'll turn out like this: "Wow! Your writing's so intricate and beautiful. I don't know how to explain - it's none like the other. I think it's really pretty!"

Isn't that really nice?! So I'm slowly learning how to comment - without adding those extra compliments about myself in. But usually I compliment you is because I did it before lor so I know it's nice :( HAHAH SORRY I only compliment you if I did it better than you (though you may not know it) or because you really, really deserve to be complimented. And I have very, very high standards, so if you truly and honestly got praised by me before I think you deserve a bravo. Sadly, few people actually do :( Sorry!

You know I love compliments so much I'll do anything to get them :) --> (even resorting to complimenting myself.) I don't know whether that's pathetic or not, haha.

It's OK though because I 100% love this part of my personality and it honestly gets me through my life alot because it's very useful/helpful in picking myself up easily :)

Gonna end off here now! Bye x

(see la I have no mood to do math now T_T)

OMGGGGGGGGGG

2010-09-12T19:57:00.001+08:00

HIATUS FOR NEXT FEW WEEKS UNTIL EOYs ARE OVER

PRAY FOR ME.

2010-09-09T21:32:00.001+08:00

I must be the ugliest girl in the world.

Sept 4th 2010: Failures Outing (Hannah, Janice, Christy, Failure)

2010-09-05T18:46:00.003+08:00

MORE HERE

SEPTEMBER 1st: CAMWHORE WITH HANNAH (and a little bit of Janice)

2010-09-01T18:44:00.002+08:00

MORE HERE (click!)

POPTEEN OCTOBER 2010 COVER

2010-08-30T23:26:00.001+08:00

OKARIE IS ON THE COVER!! WHOA CONGRATS!!! ❤

YESSSSSSS KUMICKY’S NOT ON IT FOR ONCE. Sorry but i’m tired of seeing the same girl on my fav mag cover for the past 1234567890 months OK?! I’m SO happy that someone else is FINALLY getting her chance. :)

My Mother and Father

2010-08-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

My last post was my 500th post :) Shall share a quote in celebration!

"My mother taught me to focus on being myself and not to worry what other people think about you. I know that as long as I'm a good person I'll stay on the right path. From my dad I learned that when someone tells you "No" it's only the beginning of a conversation. They both have always let me know that I can do anything I want to do as long as I don't give up. They are the most important role models in my life because they are exactly who I want to be when I grow up. They are supportive and understanding and I try every day to remember what they've taught me." -Lauren Conrad

★ ☆ Liar Game Outfit ☆ ★

2010-08-29T01:21:00.003+08:00

Daily outfit post

Went to watch Liar Game today. LOVED IT. 10/10 GO WATCH IT!!!! Dressed up like Misa Amane (gothic punk-ish style etcetc) just for Erika Toda's sake.

*ps: eyelashes photoshopped on. obvious is obvious :(

xxx

Hello Kitty OREOs

2010-08-28T17:21:00.000+08:00

This is sooo cute, not even gonna lie!

★☆ Gyaru Wishlist ☆ ★

2010-08-28T15:11:00.002+08:00

My current shopping list...

Berets
(sort of like? I forgot what it's called! It's like some fluffy cotton wool thing with a fluffy ball on top! :))

Hello Kitty Headphones

More Dolly Wink

Sweet Deco

Pink Shoes-High Heels

More Tutus (for Fairy-Kei!)

Marine Caps

More Jap Unis

Nerd Glasses

Small Bow Headband
(To wear to school with Rachel!)

Heart-shaped Sunglasses

New Issues of Popteen
(and Sister if there is!)

GYARU pixel

2010-08-27T21:40:00.001+08:00

Stickers

2010-08-25T19:00:00.003+08:00

Look at the stickers I made for my Digital Arts class using Adobe Illustrator! :) I rushed it all from 8pm - 12.30am XD

I'm proud of my work!!!!! It's the first time I've attempted to do something like this! And this is coming from someone who hasn't used Illustrator once (nor even dreamed of it) before this art class in her life!

I know the second pic from the left looks abit off HAHAHA I was too lazy to draw the deer ears just like the previous one! But... I still think it looks cute either way! I'm very proud of the ribbons on a whole!!!!

The fourth picture shows the little bunny with a really, really awkward tail... SORRY! I would redo it if I could! But... hahahah I don't know what's going on. I still think it's adorable though! :D

Comments? x

P.S: Today Mr Ng called my History Project group out to tell us what a wonderful job we have done on our video! And he even said "Can I keep your CD? Pretty please?" SOO HAPPY! We attained a 37/40! That's AWESOME! :) Thanks Rachel, Agnes and Adrienne for being such wonderful groupmates! x

Reflection on 2-3

2010-08-25T18:21:00.004+08:00

As I'm typing this, Minki is currently on my bed napping. HAHAHHAHA And her phone is currently vibrating but she's not picking it up. ... And I don't want to wake her up anyways.

And now they're playing an an cafe song.

So when I woke up, I tried very hard to get back to sleep but I failed. And so I just stared at Minki lol MINKI'S SLEEPING FACE IS SO ADORABLE AHAHHAAHAH

Then I just started thinking, maybe ten years down the road her husband will see her sleeping face and somehow... I dunno, be in my position now, waking up earlier than her and seeing her and finding her looking so dumb (yet adorable HAHAHAHA) HAHAHAH

But then I started thinking ten years down the road, will I still be friends with her? ...

Because before we both went to nap, Minki and I were staring at our class' phototaking last year and was shocked at the changes. But we embrace them anyway. But we started discussing and laughing at many things in our class, and how we would miss 2-3 when we finally graduate from this class to secondary three.

And I think... when I woke up, I started thinking about everything. About how all the jagged jigsaw pieces miraculously fit together this year. How I've finally found my place in this school, this class, and I have people who are close to me who understand practically everything about me. Inside out. And I'm happy this way. I like it this way. I really, really don't want to change classes. I've finally found where I belong.

At first I was very reluctant to try and fit in into this school. I was afraid that if I did, the places my best friends in primary school held in my heart would get overwritten.

But gradually I realised that secondary school isn't that bad after all. Everybody in the class has a special place in my heart. Everybody does. Each one of them is so special, so unique, so different, so lovely. I love all of them. I really do, and I don't want this class to ever go away or change or anything. If I could choose, I would have this class for 4 years. I really would, because it's perfect.

I'll never find another class that is as accepting, as amazing, as fun and carefree as 2-3 is. 2-3 really is a beautiful, magical class where everybody looks after each other etcetc and we are very, very playful, despite being the top few classes. But also because we know when to play hard and work hard, we're really great academically too.

I realise that at the end of year, the change is inevitable. Everyone will have to change classes and I will no longer have those friends that understand so much about me beside me anymore. I realise that it'll be so hard to have that special, magical feeling anymore, and what if I don't ever find friends again as good as them? But that's also what I thought at the end of PSLE, and look at where I am now?

I'm home.

That's why this is a motivation for me to work hard, too. I love Rachel. She's the BEST partner you can ever have in your whole entire school life. I love my HCL class. Jiaeenn and Clara and Minki and me. We four are the most annoying people you will ever meet if you are our chinese teacher HAHAHA BUT! We are also very fun! And without them, there will be no HCL. I'm just so afraid I will have to drop out HCL... I don't really care for it, I realise... I can't just take it for granted anymore!!!

I love my friends! I love Grace! I love Janice! I love Hannah! I love Phoebe, Jialin, Aishah etc! I love everything they do for me and everything I've done for them! I love everything that's happened, the conflicts and everything. They may be hard, but we survived all of it throughout together! And that's what's most important.

I really love 2-3!

Uh-oh! Minki's awake.

I have to go now, but... I'll continue later! :)

X

SHUT. UP.

2010-08-24T20:38:00.004+08:00

HATE it when people bitch about my mum. she may be fierce but I love her still. and I don't give a DAMN how nice your mum is to you.

So what if she's stricter than the normal mum? I've always been brought up in a strict environment. I don't care if you've never got caned, scolded or lectured the way I am. But all of THAT taught me lessons and brought me up this way. To me it's just the basic "nagging" and a daily chore I go through everyday. I don't care if you think it's stupid and much too fierce for a child. I don't care if you think my mum PMSes everyday like some bitch (even though she does and whenever I get pissed off by her I say she's on menopause hahaha) BUT YOU have NO RIGHT to say that about her when you don't EVEN KNOW her.

I've known her for 14 years of my life and know her much more than you do. I don't like how you tell people how strict and fierce my mum is to me because THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH. It may be the truth but I know she loves me and I love her back too. And she's doing everything out of love, unlike plenty of the other parents out there. I LOVE my mum for scolding me whenever I do something wrong no matter how much I hate it. Because I learn. And it teaches me something everytime.

SO WHAT if your mum's nice and all to you? I don't care. That's YOUR mother and that's how YOU were brought up. Don't even TRY to force your thinking of a "normal upbringing" onto me. I love my mum this way and I don't want anything else. My mum is the nicest mother on earth. She's the kindest mother on earth. She's VERY lenient and there's a reason behind everything she does. I don't know about you but she slogs so hard everyday just for her children and her family. I don't know about you but she's the most sacrificing mother I've seen. The most hardworking the most nicest the most everything etc because she's amazing like that.

My mum doesn't cook for me anymore because she's constantly working. Working because she's capable like that. She may not be some CEO or anything, but I KNOW she has an important position in her company and her boss trusts her with practically everything because she's trusted like that. She does everything on her own without anyone else helping her. She learns and completes anything she's assigned to. She works so hard that she works OT without getting paid, and sometimes slogs on weekends too.

I may not be able to taste her food anymore but it's OK. Because you know what? She's amazing like that. She pampers me heavily. Too much, and I bet more than 90% of you out there. I'm not bragging or anything. But I'm showing off how great my mum is. She may be making up to me materialistically but it's OK. She spares a thought for me everytime and she keeps secrets about me from my father incase he gets mad etcetc.

She worries for me and does everything just like a normal mum does except that she's 100% perfect in everything she does. And does it better than most mums anyway.

So. I may be nagged at everyday. To you it may be scolding heavily etcetc and that she's just being a bitch mum but I'll NEVER diss her. It's NEVER her fault because I understand where she's coming from. I'm those type of daughter that used to not be able to sleep till midnight/wee hours of the morning because she has a cane beside me and threatens to not let me sleep until I finish my Maths assessments. But you know what? It's all for my benefits. I don't care. I love her this way. She may be thinking so traditionally, but she never had her parents care about her studies this way. Her mother never cared for her the way she's doing for me and now she's teaching me. And it's OK. She's only doing this for her children.

I'm not supporting the use of going all fierce on your children. But I'm saying that my mum may not be like yours. The sweet demure gentle kind etcetc but to me my mum is perfect. She's only 41 years of age and she's still so young. She still has that wild side of her where she goes after celebrities and watches korean dramas all the time. She laughs and cries at the same things I laugh and cry about. She gets lonely when no one sleeps with her and runs to my bed in the middle of the night for company. She gets stressed due to work but she's not quitting because it's for the best of our family.

I've always had that strict upbringing and so on. Overtime you get used to it and it becomes normal to you. I'm not so much affected anymore and I don't care if you aren't used to it. Because you know what? She's MY mother. I love her. And you have no right to tell me that my mum is too fierce to me and that I don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't care if you're only caring for me, OK? Because that's dumb and stupid because I don't mind it AT ALL.

STOP telling me what is right and what is wrong.

My mother is forever perfect in the eyes of me.

P.S: She's the motivation behind my everything.

FASHION POST... once again! ♥

2010-08-23T16:45:00.010+08:00

CRAZY HAIR THAT I WILL AT LEAST ATTEMPT ONCE IN MY LIFE:

Romihi! She always has crazy hair. Love her pink hair dye! ♥

Red hair isn't as wild as I would like it to be, but it's a really pretty color I may try some day. My mum loves red hair, and the bright side is that when it fades, it just turns really brown. My mum has had that color before (as shown in the above picture). It's actually really pretty and very photogenic.

Highlights. Very wild but I don't really feel it. I really dislike streaks/highlights unless it's really pretty, IMO. (Highlights in general make me feel as if you're trying hard to act gangsta/rebellious/goth etcetc) This is OK, but not my type. The girl is cute, tho. :)

The purple haired girl is pretty model Saeko Chiba from Popteen! :) Few people can rock purple hair, but she does it perfectly!

Pretty pigtails! I miss mine :( Now these are streaks/highlights I would love to have. :)

Kanako rocking yellow and dark blonde highlights. PERFECT! Yellow isn't my color but she makes it pretty...

Kanako, probably with pink extensions. Pretty!

Love the golden hair and the part blonde part pink hair dye!

Romihi, perfect as always! LOVE the hair. I DEFINATELY will try this out sometime. Also the cap is the ULTIMATE gorg! ♥ My mum and I has been trying to find a cap like that EVERYWHERE! :( It's appeared so far in practically every Popteen issue :)

Emika's latest hairdo! Love the pink!

LOVE the bunny ears! And various array of colors :)

GAL Mag Covers:

LOVE THE EYEMAKE HERE! I have the EXACT same lower eyelashes as her and she gives me inspiration for more ridiculously crazy yet pretty eyemake :)

Cover 08/2010 Ranzuki. Love the coordinate! Shoes and dress up (hat etc) are all funky and bright and colorful and love! ♥

Tsubasa Masuwaka showing off her own brand of eyelashes! I love her nerd specs here :D

POPSISTER September Issue 2010 with Tsubasa Masuwaka on the cover! Love the messy look she's portraying currently :)

Ranzuki September 2010 with Rei Yasui on the cover! :) pretty gal! Love the huge hairbow/accessories/eyemake/dressup!

SHOES:

WTF why is Japan always coming up with these kind of new coolio gorg shoes?!?!?!? T__T

LENSES:

CONTACTS I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE!!! :( Pretty tsubasa! ♥

OUTFIT COORDINATES:

Love Mickey/polkadot style that Kanako and Romihi are rocking :)

Love Alice in Wonderland coordinate by Wei Son! ♥

SCAWAII: LADY GAGA INSPIRED COORDINATE!

Barbie Inspired Clothing! So doll-like! Me like ♥

Sweet Lolitaaa! ♥♥♥ Too bad I will never be able to afford them :(

A GAL mother! :) How amazing~

New Obsession

2010-08-22T20:56:00.000+08:00

Rosario + Vampire

WATCH!

Britney

2010-08-20T18:10:00.004+08:00

OMG, I grew up listening to this girl.

She was PRACTICALLY my CHILDHOOD. Along with Celine Dion, Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey, M2M, Whitney Houston etc :(

GOSH I MISS THESE DAYS! used to sing and dance to the likes of these legends x

MY IDOL!

Now Britney's back. Stronger than ever!

See her again in gLee!

(frankenteen @ tumblr)

A few of my fav. songs by the legend Britney <3 :

ps: alot of her songs still apply heavily to me now! god i loveee her! and those days... :(

Sometimes...

2010-08-20T16:22:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you never realize how much you care about someone until they stop caring about you.

I have this gut feeling that you'll always be there for me.

I hope it's true.

I love you.

!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-18T10:53:00.001+08:00

Xiaxue's blog post on Vanity:

2010-08-17T19:36:00.003+08:00

Yes I know I need to lose neck fats, get my teeth straightened, grow taller, lose some weight, get a second nose job - but instead of shouting out these advice to me, why don't you look at your face's flaws, which I'm sure you have, and work on those instead? How about, for a change, you post a photo of yourself and let me criticise your looks? Bet you wouldn't have the guts.

Of course... it's easier to just yell insults at people.

Besides yelling insults, I've realised that people (I imagine ugly ones) also like to say two things. It's like they've all got the same giant brain or something.

1) Don't put so much make up.

2) You are ugly inside.

Re. point 1) You (people who say such things as above) probably don't put make up because make up can't save your looks. As such, the people you hang out with, from the same appearance caste tier, probably don't put on make up too.

And because you have no interest and no knowledge in make up, you start to think that make up is evil and aids and abets concealing one's real looks.

I'm sorry but just because you don't put make up doesn't mean it is ugly, ok?

There is no such thing as too much make up, just BADLY APPLIED make up.

Re. Point 2)

Who gives a shit about being beautiful inside? Firstly, most people around the world have too many problems of their own to be helping others. Most people are just like me, except I'm a little more foul-mouthed and perhaps a shade more self-centered. But I never aspired to be a saint what, and never claimed to be one. So why are people telling me to improve my personality??!

And secondly... Being beautiful on the inside (yay! Gorgeous pancreas!) does NOT make you beautiful on the outside despite how you try to lie to yourself! And honestly, I'd rather be friends with an interesting person than a nice person. Sucks to be you!

Abrupt end of topic.

Letters from the heart.

2010-08-15T22:51:00.004+08:00

So, I got my friends to do this lately:

I ___ you.
You have a nice ___.
You make me ____.
You should ____.
Someday, I will ____.
You + me = ____.
If I saw you now I'd ____.
I want to ____.
I would build a ____.
If I could sing you any song, it would be ____.
We could _____.

Minki's: (Hers are retarded, but OK... Apparently she sent me 3... .. ...)

I admire you. You have a nice blog. You make me laugh. You should tie your hair. Someday, I will win your heart. You + me = soulmates. If I saw you now I'd say you're cute. I want to rape you. I would build a twitter. If I could sing you any song it would be pipirupiRUpipiRUpi~. We could be friends forever.

I am engaged with you. You have a nice body. You make me act on my sexual instinct. You should sex with me. Someday I will attack you. You + me = perfect. If I saw you now I'd greet you with a kiss. I want to rape you. I would build a condom (WTF). If I could sing you any song it would be Barbie Girl. We could have kids.

She sent me one which she thought Christabel would write to me:

I hate you. You only have a nice pen. You make me puke. You should be a beggar. Someday I will slap you. You + me = partners in crime. If I saw you now I'd scold you for sending me this. I want to 绝交。I would build a spider eggs agency (WTF). If I could sing you any song it would be 21 guns. We could eat together during recess.

Lulu's:

I love you. You have a nice personality. You make me smile, You should never take that smile off your face. Someday I will see you again (lmao). You + me = FRIENDS. If I saw now I'd hug you. I want to go out with you again. I would build a good friend relationship with you. if I could sing you any song it'd be Best Friends. We could be friends forever!

Celine's:

I love you. You have a nice hair. You make me laugh. You should have a bf! Someday I will find you one. You + me = friends forever! If I saw you now I'd grab you (LOL WTF). I want to find you now. I would build a palace filled with pink stuff for you? If I could sing you any song it would be Lean On Me. We could meet up soon!

Jialin's:

I love you. You have a nice smile. You make me feel poor. You should sing more often. Someday I will rape you. *wink wink* If I saw you now, I'd scream your name. I want to go to your house. I'd build a replica of Daisy for you. If I could sing you any song it'd be Don't Stop Believin'. We could sing n party together!

Hannah's:

I trust you. You have a nice wardrobe. You make me feel blessed. You should continue to follow your dream. Someday I will go to Japan with you. You + me = mac partying! If I saw you now I'd sing Love The Way You Lie with you. I want to shop. I would build a mini Japan. If I could sing any song for you it'd be any song you want. We could have long Mac party sessions with Jia Jia. :)

Cheryl Lim's:

I like and miss you. You have a nice smile. You make me happy. You should continue being my fairy godmother. Someday I will meet you again! You + me = awesome friends for life! If I saw you now I'd hug you tight! I want to talk to you more frequently too! I would build a shopping mall filled with Japanese stuffs and everything you like for you. If I could sing you any song it'd be TONGKUAI too as it brings back alot of memories. We could dance/sing again in the future and meet up! :)

Sherilyn's:

I love you. You have a unique name. You make me jealous. You should be glad you have such a loveable face! Someday I will make you love me? You + me = friends forever *unless you don't want to :(* If I saw you now I'd be grinning from ear to ear. I want to make you smile. I would build a playground for us to play in! If I could sing you any song it would be friends forever. We could go out sometime soon!

Niko's:

I love you. You have a nice voice. You make me smile :) You should sms me more often!!! Someday I will go online ;) You + me = bff :P If I saw you now I'd hug you! I want to spam you on msn!!! I would build a dollhouse for you. If I could you sing you any song it'd magnet! We could take neoprints together one day!!!

Janice's:

I admire you. You have a nice fan-fic collection. You make me cry for good reasons. You should continue singing. Someday I will understand what I have been missing out. You + me = best friends. If I saw you now I'd tell you to write letters of guardian angels. I want to hear more of your stories. I would build a dream with you. If I could sing you any song it'd be unbelievable. We could fly like angels.

So fun to read about all of their perspectives of me, hahaha. :) To each their own I guess!

I love you all. x

Leaving long hair.

2010-08-14T14:23:00.002+08:00

Apparently he likes these type of girls.

I'm going to leave long hair for him.

xxx

Facebook chat.

2010-08-10T18:47:00.001+08:00

Lulu

HAHA LOL!

have you ever heard of x-japan?
6:43pm

Me

yes

why
6:44pm

Lulu

Three fans died in copycat suicides, and of the 50,000 people who attended his funeral in Tsukiji Hongan-ji, nearly 60 were hospitalized and about 200 received medical treatment in first aid tents.

isn't it amazing?
6:45pm

Me

LOL

WHY ALL KILL THEMSELVES

WHAT HAPPEN
6:45pm

Lulu

cause hide died.
6:45pm

Me

oh.

ok
6:45pm

Lulu

can you believe it?

OMG.
6:45pm

Me

...
6:45pm

Lulu

the impact on its people~
6:45pm

Me

i want to kill people too

(indirectly)
6:45pm

Lulu

LOL
6:45pm

Me

LULU WILL YOU BE MY FIRST FAN TO DIE FOR ME??!?!?
6:46pm

Lulu

no i won't. I'll die with you.
6:46pm

Me

HHAHAH
6:46pm

Lulu

AWW DOESN'T THAT SOUND ROMANTIC?
6:46pm

Me

that sounded much better

6:46pm

Lulu

..............T____T
6:46pm

Me

what

"BETTER" = ROMANTIC ALSO!
6:46pm

Lulu

HAHA

I miss her.

No time for you.

2010-08-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

I have dreams to chase and I have hopes to fulfill.

I have no time for you.

The long road.

2010-08-10T13:07:00.002+08:00

This blog has come a long way.

A very, very long way.

I'm not saying that it's been 10 years or so. It's just that, I'm actually shocked it's made it this far. 2 years and a half? Or more? I never thought myself to be an avid blogger. But till now, I've never stopped blogging.

I don't even know whether many people read my blog, I just know it's a good way for friends to stay connected and know updates on my life etcetc basically I never created a blog for anyone else's benefits. I just created it to write my thoughts/daily happenings now. Overtime it transcended and fell into the trap of "perfectionism". Where I begun to realise I wanted to portray a perfect character for all of you to see, but I'm glad I've gotten it over now. I'm proud to say who I am, really. And even though not all of it has come out yet, it's slowly, and I can see the day where I won't have to hide anymore.

But even then, I've only recorded the happier memories here in this blog, and it's great to reflect and recall just how lovely those past times were, and who were the people involved in making them.

I realised friends really come and go. It's so ironic and laughable. But I record every of my little encounters with them in this journal, and it's really amusing to read. How I used to have such a lovely time with different sorts of people. Some of the memories, I've forgotten. Knowing me with my short term memory. But this blog helps me remember most of it. And I'm glad.

I'm happy I have this blog. Normally blog ruins others' lives. But it's making me sane and helps me reflect/think at times. Like, "maybe I shouldn't have done that." and I learn. I've never noticed what a great impact having a journal really is.

I'm a person who thinks alot. Far too much for the normal person. All my close friends can testify to it, regardless of persona. I AM someone who thinks too much. Even if you weren't close to me but read my public/private blog frequently, you'd know. I don't like being such a person but it's good for me, sometimes. Also it helps alot if you aspire to be a writer. Thinking alot. Hah! My literature teacher would be an example of that. Thinking alot. I think too much into matters sometimes. So much that it scares me, but it's OK. I get to realise things much earlier than most. I mature/understand more than most. I think I'm beginning to embrace this part of mine, as well.

Because I think too much, I need to write/speak my thoughts out. Obviously, there isn't someone that is going to be available for me 24/7. And there are certain things you just can't tell someone else. Who's going to be the replacement? A journal. But I hate writing (as in, physically). I never liked it, even though I write pretty darn fast if I say so myself. From young I've trained myself to type and write very fast. It gives you an unfair advantage during exams but who's complaining? No one. Well, except those slow ones. I don't give a damn about messing up my handwriting. I'm not sitting at the exam table to show off my excellent penmanship to the markers. As long as my answer is readable, then it's OK for me.

Back on topic. See? I tend to talk too much I drift away from the topic. This is a perfect live example of me rambling on and on. Because I hate writing, I prefer typing. I type much faster than anyone else I know. And it's easy for me. I can type without looking at the keyboard, regardless of computer. I've long memorised the keyboard keys subconsciously in my head. It's good, that way.

That's why the alternative is blogging. And here I am.

I really like this blog.

I really do. And I want to keep on continuing writing about my every joy (and sorrow!) in here.

One day when I grow up, and I still have this blog (I can foresee that I still will), I will embrace it, just like how I embrace every other thing of me. This blog is part of me. I can't say that it's my soul. I don't live and breathe for my blog, but it's keeping me sane, and I like that.

Because when I read certain posts of mine here, I get reminded of my dreams and hopes. I get reminded of that girl I used to know and used to be. I get reminded of how I will continue being that very same girl and strive for my aspirations. I get reminded that sometimes, this girl feels lonely and tired too. I get reminded that she's human and not perfect and she is beautiful inside out. That she should never try and go over the limits for someone/something not worth it.

That this girl is me, and I will never stop being myself. ♥

Some fashion and Emma Watson's new outrageous hairdo

2010-08-07T14:58:00.006+08:00

OK la enough of the emo posts already I myself am getting kind of sick of them.

So on to some Japanese fashion since I miss them lol I NEED TO GET NEW ISSUES OF POPTEEN WTF!! :(

Barbie:
THIS is Barbie clothes WTF where to get such nice Barbie clothes?!?!?!? :( Singapore only sells those kids ones!!!! UGH need. to. go. japan. AGAIN.

And I really, REALLY want a tutu :( I want to dress fairy-kei!!!! I NEED TO!!!!

Emika Kanda. :) Love her new hair!!! Good to see more gyaru gals rocking pink hair other than romihi~ :D When I grow up, I'll most definately experiment dyeing my hair blonde/pink. :) Love outrageous, wild colors.

K off topic (but still on topic since we're on the topic about hair) but anyone seen Emma Watson's new hair?

Why all the fuss? The actress, 20, had been required to keep essentially the same long, blonde hairstyle for ten years while she played Harry Potter’s bookish pal, Hermione Granger, in the $5.4 billion-grossing Potter franchise. But Watson, who’s about to enter her second year at Brown University, finished shooting the final two films earlier this summer.

When filming ended, Watson’s hair was finally her own. She could have cut her hair immediately, but she decided to wait a bit. “It didn’t feel right then; I needed a break,” she tells EW.com exclusively. During the cut, designed by New York stylist Rodney Cutler of Cutler Salon, Watson never had a moment of panic or remorse.

“It was weird. My hairdresser was like, ‘When are you going to freak out?’ Most people cry or go into shock,’” she says. “But I was very calm. I knew it was the right thing.” It helped, she said, that she didn’t tell anyone she was getting the drastic ‘do. “I went to the salon alone and I left alone,” she says. “I knew everyone was going to have an opinion, and I couldn’t deal with it. I have to get myself into a good place to deal with people saying things like, ‘It’s terrible! She looks like a boy!’” Says the actress, laughing, “My dad already said that to me, actually. He said, ‘You’re not Audrey Hepburn yet, darling.’”

Ouch. Thanks, Dad? “He’s like that. I think the best I’ve ever had out of him was before a premiere when he said I ‘scrub up alright.’ When people ask me how I keep myself grounded, there’s the answer.”

She’s not Hermione anymore. “Oh my God, it was the most liberating thing!” she tells EW.com. “The stylist just grabbed the back of my hair and took a whole ponytail of hair out. It felt amazing. I love it.” The chic, gamine cut might not seem like a huge deal to most 20-year-olds. But Watson has had to sport essentially the same hairstyle for ten years while she played Hermione. “I missed all that experimentation that most teenagers go through,” she says. “I’ve wanted to do this since I was about 16, so as soon as I had the chance I was like, ‘Right. This is it.’”

Source s

So what do you think of her new hair?

Like, or no like?

Personally I prefer her longer hair :( Such a waste, though I understand that she wants to break out of her own limits and on. :) If I were her, I would have grown tired of it and would of done the same. Still, no denying that she's the prettiest with long hair.

From her Burberry shots:

Other photos:

Movies to look forward to in 2010

2010-08-07T14:04:00.002+08:00

Vampires Suck

Beastly

Burlesque

I'm motivated to work hard for the both of you.

2010-08-04T19:04:00.002+08:00

I'm motivated.

Really.

I've never felt this way before. Okay, maybe I have, but it's been a long time since I felt this way. Very, very, long.

But... I'm really happy now.

Thanks Hannah. Thanks Minki. For showing me what true friendship is like. I know both of you will read this on my blog.

Maybe some years down the road (heck, maybe by the start of next year) everything will change. Maybe we'll fall apart. One day, all of us will come back to this blog and read this post again. And we'll laugh at how silly we used to be, thinking we were each other's true friends.

But for now, I can honestly say... the both of you are really great. Really important. I miss this feeling... of being important to people.

I know I'm important to many people, just as much as how they are important to me as well. I'm very blessed to be surrounded by people who care for me. But some of these people are distant. And I need someone close to me.

I've been trying very hard to find that someone who will wholeheartedly care and cherish this friendship with me. Someone who will be by my side (most of the time).

You know Hannah? You know how you're always saying "I need a pure friendship. I need to find someone who can just be content with the little amount of things I can give her, content with the pure, innocent friendship I can provide for her." And then Minki and I laughed at you and told you "It's impossible."

But has it ever occurred to you that maybe... maybe this pure friendship has been in front of us all these while. We never knew. Haha, isn't this ironic? We were always wishing for someone to care for us all. We were away from all of our best friends and we needed a companion. Did it ever make sense to the both of you that, because we needed true friendship, we sought companionce from each one of us instead?

Today we made a contract. It's dumb, stupid, but it's pure, just like what Hannah wanted. Just like what Minki and I wanted, as well, even though we never said it aloud. It's laughable, I know, but it's a small, lovely thing we all did and thought of together.

The original copy of the contract is with Hannah now. She's probably taking a picture of it with her dSLR, her Fefi. But I copied down the words from the contract, and so did Minki.

We vowed to stay in contact even after this year. What was our adorable yet silly plan? We would go for Japanese lessons after EOYs. Take up Japanese classes. Wouldn't it be perfect? The perfect idea. Nothing's going to destroy this small plan of ours. We made sure to make a contract.

This is what each of us wrote. Minki starts first, me second, and Hannah last:

I, Kwa Jia Jia, pledge to learn Japanese with Hoshiko Low and Ayame Mok in the same class [keep in touch! XD] till as long as possible.

KWA JIA JIA
Signature

I, Ayame Mok, pledge to learn Japanese with Hoshiko Low and Kwa Jia Jia in the same class [keep in touch! XD] till as long as possible.

SALLY
Signature

I, Hoshiko Low, pledge to learn Japanese with Kwa Jia Jia and Ayame Mok in the same class [keep in touch! XD] till as long as possible.

HOSHIKO
Signature

It's so cute. The even weirder thing is, we wrote it on a piece of Mcdonalds shaker fries paper bag. This must be the most retarded thing ever. But we didn't care.

Maybe it's a symbolism. To show how much we love visiting Macs, that even - even our contract is written on a product of it. Hahaha.

I even told them both, "Maybe when we grow up, we'll be business women and have business meetings here. HAHAHAH" and we just started talking and talking and talking. It's too much to list here. I want to, but it's too much. I don't know where to start with.

We can't be separated.

If we ever are, it'll hurt to even go into Macdonalds without each other anymore.

We were on the verge of crying today.

If we can't even handle the thought of separating each other, I really wonder how we're going to withstand the sadness after EOY. I try not to think about it but it's inevitable. If only friends could remain forever without environment changes. If only schools didn't exist. But then, I wouldn't have met both of you. I wouldn't have had this much fun. I wouldn't have realised I could have my own place in secondary school life, too.

So here's a promise.

I know both of you are going to see this.

When you see this, please text message me. Or call me. Msn me? Or you can even choose to tell me the next day in school.

But promise me you'll reply.

Hoshiko Low and Kwa Jia Jia, please promise me that you both will try as hard as I will for this term's exams and next term's exams. Please promise me that you both will persevere to remain in the same class next year.

Because I believe we can do it. It's never too late.

Please promise, because

I'll try my best as well.

2010-08-04T10:55:00.001+08:00

When someone leaves,

2010-08-03T17:59:00.005+08:00

we’re all like “Oh, we could have done more for them.” But that’s not true. We tried our best but it didn’t work.

A reflection: Being Like Me.

2010-08-02T22:57:00.005+08:00

Since I've already said my piece in the "I'm not who you think I am" conceited post I made a few posts earlier, I've decided to be completely honest and truthful in whatever I post here from now on.

Of course, there are the usual "private" posts I can't let you all know. Those will be reserved for my private blog at livejournal, and even then some of you (who are my friends) aren't allowed to read the post.

But I've made a promise to myself that I would only post the complete honest/truth about myself here on my blog. This IS my blog after all. I'm not here to make up this perfect little girl.

All my (blog) life, I've always depicted the perfect image for you. I've painted this pretty perfect small girl with big hopes and dreams. I may have huge dreams, hopes and aspirations. But I'm not perfect.

As much as I'd like to be, but I'm not. I've always been afraid of people thinking I was normal, just like all of you. I've done lots of outrageous things in my lifetime just to be different, just to be outstanding amongst the common crowd, to be brave and striking, just so people would notice me.

But I have to admit that I'm not. I really am not. On this blog, I have only ever posted about my achievements, my future dreams. I've never looked back on the past once.

I've never blogged about how upset I felt when I lost PL Inspirations.

I've never blogged about how upset I felt when my academic went an all-time low.

I've never blogged about how upset I felt when I didn't get accepted into SOTA.

Haven't you all realised? I've never ranted on others. I've never complained on anything. The only things I ever complain are about measly things, like for e.g finding a secondary school. It's important, I know, but... it's just not that significant.

Have you ever wondered why I've never done all that?

Because I'm perfect. Or, I at least try to be. And because I can't be perfect in real life, I want all of you to think that way on my blog. At least this is where I can live my dreams and my true self.

But there comes a point where you reflect on yourself and you think, "This is my blog. Why must I hide and lie?" I've felt this way soooo many times that it's uncountable. But I still wanted to keep it going. I've always posted rants and deleted them 5 minutes later in fear of people reading them and thinking I was some hating, dark little girl.

I've posted complaints but deleted them shortly after in fear of people reading them and thinking I was a unsatisfied person, not worth what I deserve.

But I'm normal too. I have a life. Like all other normal people, I feel anger and hurt. And this perfect facade can't be kept up any longer.

I can't continue pretending I'm so perfect in your eyes. I'm not. Even if you never thought I was perfect, at least now you know the truth behind me.

I really have an outrageous personality. It's not meant to be hidden. I'm going to embrace this inner part of myself.

I have a feeling this will lead me to somewhere in life. I know being like this has its disadvantages as well, but I would like to make the most of it in my time on earth.

I know not everyone is like me. I'm far too confident for anyone else's taste. But I believe in myself. That's just the spirit I need. I feel, it doesn't matter if the whole world is looking down on you. You just have to suck it up, and continue holding your head up high.

The moment you let it go down, it all goes down.

Of course, being like me... it's hard to have actual friends. Maybe that's why Rachel Berry's always so lonely. But so far god has blessed me with such beautiful friends. In primary school, then in secondary school. I never thought I would find a perfect place in secondary school ever since I left my ~perfect~ clique, but I did.

I refused to accept anyone else into my life after my best friends and I parted ways for different schools. But I did.

I never thought it was possible. But it's come true now. I should stop deluding myself. I'm different now. Not so much different from my primary school friends, but I know I'm much more different now. My primary school friends were more complex. More complicated, always fighting. But they made me happy. My secondary school friends were easier. They were... how to say? More pure? Hahah. But they still made me very happy with those innocent acts of theirs. I'm not so worried now. The year is coming to an end, soon, not yet, but soon, and I have to cherish all of these time with them before we part again. I didn't cherish it the first time in primary six.

Now I have to.

Dealing with me. I know there will come a day where I will have to find the perfect guy to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I look into the mirror and wonder, "Who will marry me?" But whether I do get married or not, it all depends I guess. My personality may be too eccentric for people's taste. I don't know.

I just hope I'll meet the perfect person who'll be able to understand me perfectly.

Because I know there is one. Out there.

But this is a topic too far into the future that I shouldn't discuss now. :)

~~~

I realise, that after my best friends left me, they've changed.

Why is it that everyone's become so confident/daring whenever they're with me? Do I change people that much? Because they've all reduced to their small figure back then before they knew me. They're not as open, as high as before. Do they feel comfortable around me? So much so that they're willing to do all those outrageous things?

I influence people very easily. This may be a skill good to use in the near future. So far, I've influenced practically everyone around me. Or at least, close enough to be good friends. Is that a good thing? I hope so. But when they leave me, their personalities totally change. They revert back to how they were before. I think that's saddening.

Maybe it's good to know I have a good control over people sometimes. I get my way too much that it's become a habit now. I should stop. But people just naturally get influenced. Whatever I say, they agree. It has become a silent rule.

I just think that it's sad to see sometimes those people revert back. I don't like seeing people so weak.

Maybe because it reminds me of how weak I feel inside. I don't like that. I don't want that.

I don't know how to end this post.

What do I say?

I'm not perfect.

Harajuku Street, Tokyo

2010-08-01T23:11:00.006+08:00

Taken in the midst of Harajuku Street, Tokyo. :)

In some random Japanese kawaii shop! Aren't the items all so pretty? But expensive... :( Wanted to get a pair of shoes but... :((

My father spotted this really cute model posing for a photoshoot and got me to take a photo with her! Yay! I feel so inferior compared to her blonde hair -_-

Lolitas! Sooo pretty!!!

In a Liz Lisa boutique. This was their range of Tralala clothing. Apparently it's on sale. 2,900!!! WTF!!! Hahaha why didn't I get that?

More lolitas!

Under the famous brand of Putumayo :)

Mummy and I happily standing in front of a Louis Vuitton branch. :)

I'm holding my big Liz Lisa shopping bag!!! And she's holding her Louis Vuitton bag she just purchased HAHAHAHA

More pictures later

xxx

Happiness

2010-07-31T15:47:00.004+08:00

Hahaha, lately I've gotten really amused by myself.

I'm surprised at how easilyy I pick myself up after every downfall I have or struggle I face. I'll get really upset, but after awhile, I just laugh and tell myself that it's no big deal, I'll just try harder.

I'm really shocked, because the period where I go all depressed actually lessens each time I face these sort of things.

And if I ever get really upset, reading POPTEEN really makes me feel better hahaha

ok so some really pretty gal spams x

This girl has gorg hair! want it... need it...!!!

The mere thought of her not knowing how much she means to me is saddening.

2010-07-31T15:38:00.004+08:00

Her present for me last year

xxx

My dreams fell

2010-07-31T14:19:00.001+08:00

Something just happened that really upset me.

I guess I shouldn't hope/wish for too much about these kind of things. Just like how I got really let down after the PL Inspirations stuff. You constantly wish for the best but you're always let down. I don't know?

But I won't be giving up on my dreams

xxx

Happy.

2010-07-31T13:22:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVgisIOJlcE

Watching Idina Menzel 's Acceptance Speech during the Tony Awards in 2004 made me tear :(

She was so happy. The happiest I've ever seen anyone been ❤

A goal.

2010-07-31T12:31:00.004+08:00

This was beautiful.

I want to do this.

xxx

Do you know what it's like
to feel so in the dark?
To dream about a life
where you're the shining star
Even though it seems....
Like it's too far away
I have to believe,
in myself,
It's the only way

I'm not what you think I am.

2010-07-28T18:21:00.003+08:00

Rachel and I wearing our hats at her place! Gorg xxx

So just yesterday, I was having this conversation with Minki. :)

I'm not what you think I am.

I may seem humble. Not proud. Very nice.

All of that I'm not. People act humble for a reason. So that they won't get the label of being conceited. Truth is, everyone is. Unless you're Mother Mary or Jesus. Heck, to be honest, with Jesus' powers, I would get pretty conceited as well. I don't know how he did it, being so nice to the people and all. Maybe he felt it deep in his heart? I don't know. Don't judge me, I'm neither a Catholic nor Christian. I choose to believe in God, but I don't support his theories fully because they contradict themselves at times.

Not going to talk further about the contradictory stuff. Maybe some other time.

I'm conceited.

There. I admitted it.

Because I am conceited, I am vain. I am proud. I posess ALL of the qualities, a person you would hate to be friends with. So why is it that I still have such a fun-loving group of friends to fall back on?

I don't know. Because I'm nice? Yeah, I guess so. (An example of me being conceited.) I don't judge people. I'm very forgiving. I tolerate any of your nonsense until it gets overbearing. I never gossip until you're too much for me to handle. If you badmouth someone else who doesn't deserve it, I'll defend her or scold you until you shut your mouth. I listen. I never talk when someone else requires my full attention (except lao chen). I listen to both sides of an argument. I share my things. I'm not selfish (in materialistic ways). I want to make people happy. If I like you, I display my affection openly. I hug you. I write appreciation notes to you frequently. I tell you how much you mean to me.

Do people like that? I guess they do.

Guess why you won't want to be friends with me?

I hide this inner part of myself from everyone. But now, I'm about to reveal it to the whole world. Hopefully it doesn't affect your impression of me. Hopefully you don't think I'm a bitch and stop being friends with me. Either way, if it does affect you, you weren't worth it.

Number one reason:

I live for attention.

I'm like tinkerbell, I need applause to live. ~ Rachel Berry, gLee.

Guess why I love gLee so much? Because Rachel Berry is EXACTLY like me. I may not show it, but I love attention.

I love it so much.

This is why I want to work in the entertainment industry. I want people to admire me. I need people to tell me how I affect their lives. I want people to be jealous. I want people to notice me, to tell me how talented I am.

For example, writing.

I'm a good writer. (See? I'm acting conceited again.)

I know I'm good. Don't you even dare to tell me I am not, because I WILL prove you wrong. I WILL show you how good I am.

You know what's the ironic thing?

I never loved writing.

At least, not until I learnt how to write professionally. Writing is part of my life now. It means alot to me, so don't judge.

In the past, writing to me was something only dumb kids with too much time on their hands did. They either wrote because they were too bored or emo. Losers.

That was until writing competitions started appearing in school.

People would win awards. They would get congratulated, they would get noticed. Guess how I felt? I asked myself, "Why can't I be like them? In fact, I bet if I did write, I would write better than them. I want THOSE applause to be for ME instead. NOT them."

I wanted to win them.

If anyone deserved anything, it was ME.

Then, I read fanfiction online and saw so many rave reviews about them.

I started thinking.

Why could people write so well? Just... what was it?

So I started buying books. Books, books and more books. I started reading more than ever. I specially bought writing guides for me as well. I started writing, writing, writing. I practiced everyday. I'm not kidding.

I wanted to write so well it hurt. I wanted people's attention to be diverted to me, me, me...

Guess what?

I did it.

People love my writing now. I love it too. I win awards. I have rave reviews. I re-read my stories more than anyone else will. I analyze every word and sentence and plot and structure. I improve every time I try again.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm proud of my writing. There are people who write better than me out there in the world. Surely. But I write better than the average person. I have successfully captured a person's emotions and made them cry before.

That, to me, is what I call success.

Can you do that too? ;)

Another example.

Designing.

Guess what?

Yes, I never loved designing too.

I was in computer club. But I couldn't bother with anything in there then. I never paid attention, I just fooled around with friends.

I left the club without any knowledge brought along with me.

But after that, I saw people... people were designing posters, on the internet. They were so beautiful. So pretty. I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to create things that people liked that were pleasing to the eye. That screamed "PROFESSIONAL!!!!"

This is the exact same story as the writing one. I WANTED those people to be praising me instead. NOT them. I wanted to get noticed.

I bought Adobe Photoshop. I practiced. All on my own. I read tutorials on my own and memorised steps. I downloaded countless of things, just to practice. I've been practicing since primary 5, 11 years of age. I'm secondary 2, 14 years of age now. 3 years of practice has got me this far.

And I'm proud of it.

I used to mimic others' styles. I would copy them, just to give myself a base and to know what I could do, and what I couldn't. What fit my style the most, and what didn't.

Now I have my own style.

It's unique, and I like it. People know I'm good at designing and always ask me to help them do such jobs. Designing is always helpful if you want to enter a college/polytechnic of your choice. They accept such talents and skills.

Designing has become one of my greatest hobbies now. And particularly helpful when you need to photoshop yourself :P But that wasn't the point. The point was... This not only brought me more attention, but also a skill. A hobby that I turned out to love.

These are just two examples of things I've done just to get people to praise me. Surprised? I never did it out of admiration.

I did it to get noticed.

I do outrageous things all the time. I MUST be the first in everything, as long as there are people pursuing for it. Maybe I like crushing people's dreams? I don't know. Maybe I am saddistic like that. I may seem like a bitch but that's who I am. I don't want anyone to be better than me. I want to be better than everyone. Which leads me to another point, will I be a bitch when it comes to my friends getting boyfriends earlier than me? Will I steal their attention away?

Haha. Can I honestly say I'm not sure about that? I'm such a spotlight stealing freak that I may even resort to that. But I can honestly say that I've never been in such situation before. Naturally I want all attention to fall on me first. I guess this way, I need to get attached before all my friends do? Because I may become some cheating sly bitch HAHHAHA

just kidding I'd never do that to my friends.

Actually I'm not that sure...

Not that I was a middle child. I know middle children tend to act this way, wanting attention. But I was always constantly doted on by my parents. Anything I wanted was bought for me. I was the ONLY girl in the family, so it's natural.

I'm just a natural attention whore. :)

I MUST always be in the spotlight.

If anyone steals it away from me, they're immediately labeled as a competitor. I can't let anyone else get in my way. I need to be the one noticed, congratulated, applauded... always. Always, never once failing.

That's why I join competitions all the time. Regardless how slim the chance of me winning. I must win. In every competition, I'm ALWAYS the winner, regardless of what the results are like.

To me, if I didn't win, the judges were blind. or had different mindsets. They didn't understand how to comprehend my own unique style. They were LOSING OUT.

Because I am destined to be a star. That's what I believe. I still do.

My parents believe in me too. Whenever I don't win, they tell me "You have potential. The judges just didn't see it." and I love that. I love that other than myself, people ACTUALLY believe in my capabilities. Because I know what I'm good at, and how good I am. How determined I will be when I WANT something.

I deserve everything I want.

I will get what I want. I always do.

I'm climbing my way to the top. I will be successful.

I may be a conniving and evil bitch. I'll hate you if you're a threat to me. I won't allow you to get close to me and will pretend to be nice to you.

I can only ever be friends with people who are in the background. Who are not willing to step out and hog the spotlight away from me.

Because this is MY stage.

To me, you can ONLY ever stand out from a bunch of common people. You NEED a base to do that. You need a group of friends who won't mind you stepping out to turn people's attention to focus on you instead.

I'm not saying I'm using or manipulating my friends. I love them. It's just one of the qualities I think a friend (for me) should have. NEVER to take away what's rightfully mine, you understand?

:)

Are you scared of me?

Minki says that it's a good quality. That this way, I will be successful.

Because if you notice, all successful people have very high esteem. They need to believe in themselves, to pick themselves up, before they become highly successful.

Hah. If I EVER do get into the entertainment industry, I'll probably be really horrible. I'll fight until I get what I want. It might make a pretty interesting show, don't you think?

I won't let anyone decide for me. I'll follow my road to success. I'll be the only one everyone will listen to, will admire, will be envious of.

Do you still think the same of me?

I'm sorry if I ruined your impression of me.

I've never really told anyone about this before, except for my parents. To me, anything others can do, I CAN do better. Don't you dare tell me "don't get too highly confident. You won't amount to anything like this"

If you haven't noticed already, being highly confident brought me ALOT of skills. Not only writing, designing, but plenty of others as well. I give my 100% into every of my school project/work because I want teachers to rate me the highest/give me awards for outstanding work in class. I want my academic to be better than ANYONE ELSE. And I constantly improve and try again and again to prevail over others. I will not stand being the second best, because...

No one deserves anything more than me. ;)

I'm conceited, but bitch, if it gets me somewhere, then I'm loving it.

xxx

WEBCAM (JANICE + ME & FAILURE MINKI)

2010-07-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

Top: Janice
Bottom: ME AND FAILURE MINKI

Camwhoring + Korea + Macau

2010-07-24T23:17:00.008+08:00

So I'm really pissed because I'm all dressed up and my parents tell me shopping is cancelled.

So what can a girl do?

(hint: camwhoring)

Some pictures of me from Korea:

Macau:

xxx

Sick of Lao Chen

2010-07-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

I don't even give a damn about her anymore.

Bitch not worth my time.

Generalisations about Girls

2010-07-22T19:53:00.003+08:00

OK, by writing this post I am TOTALLY procrastinating and not doing my Higher Chinese work, but w/e.

Generalisations about girls. I've felt this way for a super long time but I just saw this "Guys just don't understand how the littlest things can affect a girl." or smth like that group on Facebook and I'm tired of how girls are always being generalised.

Heck, it's not even the guys generalising us girls now, it's US girls generalising OUR OWN SELVES.

For god's sake, people, NO, I do NOT cut myself every night because of a guy.

And I do not think you do, either.

Nor do I cry myself every night to sleep because of a guy,

and NO, I do NOT think that every guy on the planet does not ~understand~ me.

Nor the fact that they are losers and jerks,

and nor do I think each one of them are out there to play with every girl's feelings.

No, I do NOT think that girls' personalities are complicated and hard to understand.

And no, I do NOT think we are sensitive. We are, more than guys, but not till the extent that everyone is always exaggerating about.

I hate seeing spam emails or facebook groups saying how a guy has hurt girls so, how we are sensitive, cry and pms like a bitch, that we are hard to understand, that girls are complicated freaks of nature etc...

Get this, all you guys and girls out there.

Girls are not weak.

Sure, I agree that we tend to be more emotional than guys. But that doesn't suddenly turn us overnight into some weird, fickle minded creature that you think is so hard to comprehend.

Guess what? Let me give you a tip, guys. Try talking to girls more, it won't take you long, I promise, because after awhile you realise it's EASY to understand us. And you can't even judge us on a whole, because each individual girl is different, and I hate how after they have encountered some emotional girl, they start thinking ALL girls are nothing but hell and doom for them.

Girls turn emotional the SAME WAY that guys do. Because we get hurt, and when guys get hurt too, they may not cry (it's some masochist thing i don't know) but they're heartbroken as well. It's not that girls are exceptions. Crying, from young, has been a natural reaction from humans when we're upset. Crying is not a form of weakness. It has always been said to heal you faster and make you feel better. If anything, we're just trying to recover faster from our heartbreak. So what if we cry and turn emotional? It's because we're hurt. Guys do, too. They just don't express it out openly, and when we cry it suddenly turns us into emotional freaks that they don't want to handle. And I'm only dealing with crying here, take note, NOT cutting or any sort of body harm. I don't approve of the latter.

And what's pissing me off is not that guys are thinking this way about girls, but EVEN girls are thinking that way themselves. Is it because us girls have heard too much generalisations about us that we've begun to believe that we're much more complicated than guys? Because I don't think so. No, I really don't believe in this. When a girl gets hurt by some guy, she goes all OVER-emotional and MELODRAMATIC and more bitter than she should have felt in the first place, and thinks it's the end of the world and listens to depressing music, before cutting herself and crying herself to sleep.

I'm sure majority (like 80%) of you out there DON'T actually do this. And those that do, they only get such ideas from media and thinks that it's the "appropriate" way to react and take action when they're sad. Well it's NOT. I bet 99% of them wouldn't even have thought of cutting themselves before media started blowing it out of proportion and it started to be the "cool" or "in" trend to do when we girls feel emotional.

I would love to write a whole composition about how Media has influenced us so, but I'll bore you and besides Media is my life anyway, so I'll just shut up. My dream career is to be in Media so lol i can't really criticise it now BUT, I'll just say the impact of it on us is far greater than we know.

Back on topic.

So listen. Please for the love of god STOP generalising us. It's just because we tend to react more than guys that we are suddenly deemed as dramatic and too over for ANYONE to handle. And that we have to be taken of carefully and everyone has to be patient/nice with us etc etc

I don't think that way. Girls may be sensitive and easily hurt, especially we grow into adolescence, but we are definately not as weak as you have made us out to be.

Guess what? Guys DO cry too. And they cut themselves as well. Cutting is more for girls, though. And this leads me to another point. Studies have shown that when girls get very upset, they resort to cutting. What about guys? They commit suicide. They jump off some building and call it a day.

Who's the emotional freak of nature now?

I still don't support cutting, though, and would like to again emphasise and highlight the point that few girls do it (in my area, I don't know much about yours.), and that's the extreme point for most girls.

We're hard to understand, but I know that girls at least DO speak their minds. Not all girls are like that, I know, but we talk more than needed and sometimes that's good for us, because we are more willing to tell people our problems and solve it that way.

Guys, on the other hand, just shut up, deal with it, and continue with life. They hide sooooo much emotional pain in themselves that it gets too hard after awhile and sometimes it's no longer a matter of just feeling upset, it's a matter of life and death.

Girls let it out almost immediately by crying and it's better this way, isn't it? We may appear as too emotional and break down maybe abit too often during this adolescent period, but at least we get it done and over with and not hide it and build the pressure up. Plus, because we ACTUALLY talk to people, people know that there's something wrong with us and ACTUALLY offer us assistance/help if needed. I know help is available everywhere with centers/hotlines being set up to help talk to you if you need help, and girls are more willing to approach them.

Ugh, I just realised all my stance I've written so far seems to make it seem like I'm trying to defend us girls. No, I'm not doing that. I'm just trying to explain to you the reasons why we're going over emotional at times and how it actually helps, but we are just like EVERY and EACH ONE of you out there. I'm making comparisons to show you individually girls/guys' dealings with emotions, so please stop making it seem like such a big deal.

Also, now I'm going on to the point of guys making it seem that we're hard/complicated to understand.

We're fickleminded, we can't decide. Guys constantly don't know what's going on in our minds because we're always pmsing and changing moods every second.

Has it ever occurred to you that we girls deal with it too? We girls don't know what each other girl is thinking, sometimes, as well. And puh-lease, do YOU guys know what your guy friends are thinking as well? I know now I'm generalising the guy population, but you guys don't ACTUALLY talk it out with each other, so how do you all know what you're thinking sometimes? Girls are often the most expressive ones.

Plus, if we don't talk to you, you must know something is wrong with us. It's just NATURAL INSTINCT. Just like how you guys, when you ignore each other, you know something is wrong.

Have you all ever heard of the term "HUMAN NATURE?"

So why is it SO special when we don't talk to you about our problems? You deem us as "hard to comprehend" and that we are "too hard to understand and constantly changing our minds"? It's normal, and if anything I feel that girls are even MORE expressive about our emotions than you guys are. If anything, you should be able to UNDERSTAND us more than we do about you.

Then to the point of how we change our moods. I would love to pin all the blame on to something called "P E R I O D S" but I'm not going to, because once again, this IS a generalisation, no matter how true it actually is.

You say we change our moods too often. We get pissed at each and every single thing you do, but get madly excited the next. Girls are more sensitive than guys, I agree with that, and that is why we are very nitpicky about the things that we see/do. Also, generally, girls are perfectionists and seek/expect the best out from everything. At least I know I am. We understand that NO ONE is perfect but we can't help ourselves when things go wrong. We get mad when you don't understand us, have you ever thought about that?

People get pissed off for a reason.

We HAVE A REASON - yes, no matter how unbelievable it is - when we get mad at you. Try asking us, it isn't hard, and STOP generalising us by saying it's a "girl thing" or that we are "bloody unreasonable".

And the next moment, we girls get really happy. You want to know why?

Because girls are easily contented with whatever you give/do for us.

We find anything sweet/romantic when it comes to love and find it easy to forgive when romantic acts come into the picture.

Who's the sacrificing one now? Do you think girls are still as complicated?

Next. On to the point about how girls think that every guy on the planet is a jerk/loser/deserves to die and burn rot in hell etc...

This point will be gotten over very quickly because it doesn't deserve much of a highlight. Generally when you experience a heartbreak, guys/girls tend to hate the other gender population as a whole, so it's not just a "girl thing". We tend to lose faith in guys/girls when we've been hurt by them, and because of that individual experience with our heartbreak, we just go crazy and start generalising genders. So this is really just an "everyone" thing. Go figure.

I think I've said my point. Anyway, it's getting late and I need to complete my Higher Chinese essay.

Either way, are you convinced enough? I know this post may be more about girls with personalities like mine, and maybe some other girls actually DO commit body harm and go crazy when guys hurt them, but that's only a small population of them and the rest are actually really happy with our lives, yes, we are very healthy and happily living and will seek help if needed. I know I may be generalising, but that's how I see it for most girls.

I hope after you read this post, you start realising that not every girl is some cutting freak and are actually healthy. I'm sorry if I offended any "cutters" here, I know how I seem to make it a "taboo" in this post to even be doing it, and I know how you think it "helps" you by relieving the pain etcetc BUT IT'S NOT HEALTHY AND IT'S WRONG. Seek professional help instead and stop bloody cutting yourself, girls are all vain (yes? try to argue my point.) and you're just ruining your body/making yourself uglier with cuts so STOP IT. Whoever made you cut is NOT worth it. No one is EVER worth it for us to actually harm our own selves. This is OUR body, OUR life, and don't even ALLOW anyone to take that privilege away from you. Don't LET anyone step into your life and ruin it, okay?

Before I go onto another rant about how cutting is WRONG,

please, stop the generalisations. I know they'll never stop but I'm sick and tired of seeing girls being generalised because of a measly group of emotional wrecks.

Hope I've made my stance, bye. xxx

Guess who? :)

2010-07-22T19:16:00.004+08:00

Saw this and went like "WAH! gorg" :(

Leonardo Dicaprio

xxx

MY PARENTS ARE SHOPAHOLICS. THAT'S A GOOD THING, AMIRIGHT?!

2010-07-21T18:16:00.006+08:00

OK, soooo....

My parents are crazy when it comes to shopping.

Especially for me.

They just came back from Korea and look at the shitload of stuff they've bought.

(Apparently my parents stayed in a hotel smack right in the middle of a shopping district. FML :( and they saw a shitload of kawaii pink girly shops :(:(:(:( )

Looks so much like lolita, no? :) love how her pink hair looks so much like mine (pink wig) xxx

country gaaal :)

Crazy amount of accessories they bought for me!

First package is crazy amount of colorful bangles with little Annasui mirrors hidden underneath!

Second row (from left to right): Antique sparkly necklace, Cross keyring, Glittery Mickey Mouse Silhouette necklace, Black Mickey Mouse Silhouette necklace, White Mickey Mouse Silhouette necklace (Yes, my father was crazy enough to buy it in all 3 types)

Third row (from left to right): Pink Hello Kitty Sanrio mirror + comb, Hello kitty keychain with little Annasui mirrors, Anna Sui mirror + comb

TOP (From left to right) : Barbie clip/brooch-like thing, Skull scarf, Anna Sui Make Up Cotton Bud casing

BOTTOM: Grey striped headband, Barbie rose headband

Pink Chanel cosmetic pouch and Pink Juicy Couture pouch

Pretty pink glittery princess shoes with bow xxx

Plain white crown glittery ballet shoes xxx

Pink casual crocs slippers xD

Bag bought at a Korean departmental store :)

The locket-thingy on the surface of the bag!

Back :) pretty!

Skull bag with skull scarf xxx

Back :)

A barbie sling bag!

This could easily be my FAVOURITE bag that they bought for me. This is just oozing out with kawaiiness wtf!!!!! And can be used for both gyaru and lolita!!! I LOVE heart shaped bags. Even though I already have ALOT. XD

Because a pretty heart shaped bag deserves more pictures!!!!

I think everyone's waiting for my long-awaited barbie bag, hahahaha. I find it plain tho, i'll find a way to decorate it later xxx

:)

comments?

xxx